Black Dagger Brotherhood Fan Fiction

Chapter Eight

Blay, Q and Luchas left soon after that. He was surprised by what Lassiter said. So was I. I didn't know that Lassiter knew that. I didn't want to ask Blay or the others about how they found me. Blay is so busy carrying the worries of others on his shoulders that I'm surprised he can stand up straight. I didn't want to add to that. The nightmare though. It seems it was actually a part of my memory then. It ties up to what Blay said. I didn't want to speak to Mary because of the blank spaces. I remember everything up to that last night. After Enoch got out. I remember what T did, but it fades away at some point. I thought I had lost consciousness but it seems that I was wrong. Speaking to Mary would mean me remembering. It would mean me going through it all again. I can't. I can't do it again. I forgot for a reason. "This time you're wrong," says Lassiter quietly as he puts his arm around my shoulders, "You can't keep these things hidden forever. It's already starting to surface. It won't just go away." I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, "I think I need to be alone, please." He drops a kiss on my temple, "If you need me, just call out my name." I nod and he disappears. I drop my head between my arms and for the first time, I sob. I let all the pain wash through me, hoping that it leaves along with the never-ending stream of tears. 

There's a knock on my room door and I hear Luchas call my name. I open the door to let him in and go back to my window seat. He closes the door behind him and takes a seat on my bed, "How are you?" "I'm fine," I say with a smile. "You haven't been out of your room for a few days. I've heard people asking for you. I've heard people come by here too." "Ah, the perks of vampire hearing." But Luchas doesn't smile at this, "How long are you going to stay stuck in here." I raise my eyebrow at him. Like he's one to talk. He shakes his head, "You and I are different. You've interacted with everyone. You've been living alongside them for a while now." I look out the window, "I just don't feel like talking to anyone." "So why did you let me in?" There's no accusation in his tone, just curiosity. I look back at him, "You understand." He runs a hand through his hair, "Mary has been helping. A lot. I wouldn't be here if not for her." I close my eyes with a sigh, "I know. I'm going to speak with her. I just need to wrap my head around some things before I do." He comes to sit beside me, "You don't have to though. That's what shes there to help you do. You don't have to keep doing everything on your own. You are surrounded by people who care about you and want to help you." When he puts it that way... "Blay has been asking for you often," he says. "I don't want to fight with him again. I think it's best if I speak to him after seeing Mary. I want him to know I heard him and I'm trying." He takes my hand in both of his, "He worries more than most but he means well." I give his hand a small squeeze and he smiles. "Hey, your nails have grown back. Humans take so long to heal," he grins. "Yeah sure, rub it in my face why don't you," I roll my eyes but can't help grinning along with him. He leaves soon after that. I don't think he will ever be able to get rid of that limp he has. He's right though. I can't stay in here forever. Look at me, being all reasonable. I call up Marissa to ask about Safe Place and get ready to go. As I get to the bottom of the staircase, Blay comes out of the dining room. He dematerialises in front of me, "Hi." I step back in surprise, "Hey." "So, where are you off to?" he asks hesitantly. "Safe Place." He looks at the floor and back up again, "Can I fetch you? I see Fritz is already waiting to drop you off." I look at him thoughtfully, "Sure. I will let you know when I'm done." He nods, "Good. I will see you then." He goes up the staircase as Fritz and I leave. So, that wasn't awkward. Not at all. 

Blay fetches me with Q's hummer. He's alone. "Thanks," I say as I jump in. "It's a pleasure." Things go silent. "Listen, Shea," Blay starts. He clears his throat, a frown on his face. "I'm sorry," I say quietly. His head whips towards me in surprise, "No-" "I should have listened to you," I say cutting him off. "You just want to help." "Please don't, you're just making me feel worse," he says softly. "I should never have said what I did. I didn't know you had forgotten." "Not everything," I say, "I'm going to speak to Mary. About the things I do remember. I've left it for long enough." "I'm glad. But I don't want you to feel like you're being forced into it," he says. "It's not just because of you. Even though I do feel really bad. I feel like I trouble you a lot and you have plenty to deal with as it is." "You're no trouble. Not at all. I just want you to be happy." He looks at me, "The things I told you, about how I found you... Did you know? Do you remember?" "Some," I look out the window, "I wish you hadn't seen me that way. You already feel so guilty when you shouldn't." "I talk to Mary too," he says. "I think we all do. She's amazing. She can really help put things in perspective." "So is she helping you realize that the weight of the world really isn't on your shoulders?" Blay smiles in response, "We're getting there. Rome wasn't built in a day." "But they were laying bricks every hour," I reply. "Exactly," he reaches for his phone as it makes a noise. "Do you mind if we stop at the audience house? It seems they need me there." "Is everything okay?" I ask. "Yeah, it's just that they want to have a little meeting." I feel my shoulders ease a little, "No problem. I like being out and about." "So what sealed the deal?" he asked after a while. "What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. "If it wasn't just because of me and our argument, what made you decide to speak to Mary?" "I'm not sure I should say," I mumble. "I know that I hurt you and I'm really really sorry. I just... You know, you can trust me. I swear to you," he says dejectedly. "You know you're forgiven and it's forgotten. I can't stay mad at you. It's just that I don't want to bring attention to it. It isn't my place." "Oh," he says, "I understand." But he looks so upset. I sigh, "Besides wanting to be mentally well. It's also because of Luchas." Blay's eyebrows shoot up, "Did he speak to you?" "No. I mean yes. But that's not why." Blay gets petulant, "Looks like I need my wild horses to drag it out of you." "Urgh, fine! You're so annoying. I just don't want you and Q worrying more than you already are." "Omission of the truth is as bad as lying," he throws my line at me. After a few minutes, I sigh and start to explain. "It was his expression. When you guys came into my room after you heard me scream. It was like he was back there. Stuck in his personal hell. Being stubborn is going to keep him going back there. Screaming from my nightmares day after day is going to keep him stuck in that torment. I could see it in his eyes," a shiver runs down my spine. "It isn't fair to him. He's working so hard to feel better." Blay squeezes my hand, "Of course that's why. You're as altruistic as ever. Are you going to tell Qhuinn?" "If it comes up then I will. I don't expect you to keep secrets from him. I just didn't want you guys stressing about this. Especially when Luchas is getting the help he needs." I look at Blay, "I hope that you can keep that away from Luchas though. I don't want him knowing what I think." "Of course. I won't mention it to Qhuinn unless I have to either. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me." We get to the audience house with time to spare. Wrath was still busy with some of the civilians. Blay got busy pouring us some coffee while Z was propped up against a wall with his arms folded. He nodded when he noticed us enter, I waved and his yellow eyes softened as he smiled a little. "Who's in there with Wrath?" asks Blay. Rhage unwraps a Tootsie Pop, "V, Qhuinn, Tohr, JM and a newly mated couple who needed to speak to the king. Phury is on his way-" "Present and accounted for," says Phury as he steps into the room. Butch comes in behind him. Conversation starts up and the usual banter ensues. The doors to Wrath's room open and a couple comes out followed by the others. My heart stops when I look at them. It can't be. The male is talking with his new shellan but suddenly makes eye contact with me and he freezes. He walks up to me and reaches out towards me. "Shea?" his voice cracks. No. It can't be. He has fangs. I stumble back and turn to leave but he grabs onto my arm, "It's you." I pull my arm away and make my way to the door. But he gets there before me, "What are you doing here?" I step away from him, "That's none of your business." I notice the others come a bit closer to me. Blay and Q come to stand beside me. "It's time for you leave," says Wrath. "Just after I speak with Shea," he says as his shellan goes to him and clutches his arm. She whispers something to him and he looks around taking in the others. "Doesn't seem like she wants to speak to you," someone says. "I have every right to have a conversation with her," he says without flinching. "What gives you that idea?" asks Q. He looks at me as he answers, "She's my wife."