Black Dagger Brotherhood Fan Fiction

Chapter Eleven

Time passes differently here I think. I can't really tell how long I've been here. I haven't seen Lassiter. I usually wake up to find clothes and other things ready for my use. I don't know if he's leaving them here or someone else is. I am worried though. Lassiter hasn't given me any reason not to trust him but I can't help but feel like I've just been transferred to a different kind of lock down. There was even a bed brought in here so I won't have to leave here often. I know that there are still some Chosen on this side but I haven't run into any of them. There isn't any reception so my cellphone is pretty much useless here. I often think of the others and how they're doing. I really miss them. Lassiter told me that he spoke to them about where I am and told them that I'm safe. That was when he brought some of my things here on the first night. The books are quite interesting and help pass the time. It's just information on vampires. Rituals and things like that. Social divisions and about some of the prominent families. Laws and regulations. Saxton helps with Wrath with the Old Law. He's a brilliant lawyer from what I've heard. There's also books filled with short stories and poems. Stories that seem more legend than real. Some of the poems are difficult to understand. Like reading riddles from the sphinx. I love reading but this is getting ridiculous. I need to have my sessions with Mary. Talking to her has really been helping. Last time we spoke, Dean was the main topic of discussion. She asked why we hadn't had any children. A valid question I guess, considering how long we knew each other. So, I had to explain how I don't want to have children. Well, not physically anyway. Dean and I were both set on adopting children when we were ready. Being an orphan meant he was one of the few people that agreed with me. Why bring a new life into the world when there are so many children out there that were cast aside. They hadn't asked to be born in the first place. Dean knows what it's like to be a part of the system. Going from one foster family to another. He couldn't keep the friends he made because of this and not all his foster families treated him well. He kept at it though. He worked hard in school, got a scholarship and studied engineering. Through diligence and determination, he got his degree and started work. Once he had a better understanding of the industry, he opened up his own business. Being an entrepreneur came easily to him. He put his past behind him and he and I focused on the future. One, I thought, we would share. I was devastated when I lost him. I wouldn't give up though and everyone said that I was in denial. I guess I was right about him though. These are the things I need to speak to Mary about. All this heartache, all this sadness. Sitting here and crying over it isn't going to help. The last time I literally cried about it was when I was Lassiter. I think it's best if I stay up and wait for him. He needs to tell me what the hell is going on.

 I'm still at the table, as usual, with another book. Staring aimlessly at the pages when Lassiter comes in quietly. When he sees me, he drops whatever he's holding onto a chair and flops onto the floor. With his back against the floor and his body spread eagle, he looks up at me. I rest my chin on my fist and gaze at him haughtily, "Where's your shirt?" He grins, "I don't need it when I'm with you." I narrow my eyes, "Have you been avoiding me?" He frowns at me, "Why would you even think that?" I roll my eyes, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you left me here and have been dropping by to leave things while I'm asleep. You know, I don't even know how long I've been here. You said a few days but I thought you would at least visit and spend some time with me once in a while." "Awwww, are you pouting," he teases. "No, don't be ridiculous," I look down at the book in front of me. He groans, "Don't be angry, Shea. There were some things I had to deal with. I couldn't come see you much because of that. But I think I should have more free time once this is all sorted." I glare at him, "I thought you didn't go out into the field." He tries to cover up his surprise with a smile, "Who said I was fighting?" "You're wearing leathers, Lassiter. I've seen you in neon coloured tights, jeans, shorts, even assless chaps. But leathers, that's not something you generally wear." "So you haven't seen all my assless chaps then," he smirks. "Lassiter!" I scold. He closes his eyes and the smile leaves his face. I slip off the chair and sit between his arm and torso. I fold my legs, "Are you okay?" He gives me a small smile, "Of course. Just a little tired." "Why don't you stay here then? Get some sleep. I can get you something to eat first," I stretch out my legs and start to wake up but he grabs my hand and sits up. "Are you hungry?" he asks. I shake my head, "I'm fine, but when last did you eat?" "I'm not hungry," he says as he rests his head on my lap, "Is it okay if I rest on you for a little while?" "Of course it is," I lean against the desk and run my hand through his hair. "Lassiter?" He looks at me, "Hmm?" "I want to go back home," I say as I stroke his hair. "Soon," he mumbles. His eyes flutter shut and his breathing gets even. I wake up and realize I'm in bed. I sit bolt upright and look for Lassiter. He waves a bag of McD's at me as he sits at the table, "Time to eat, sleeping beauty" My face splits into a huge smile, "You really are an angel!" He chuckles as I go sit down. We start scarfing down the delicious food. "If you had disappeared on me again, you would have been in huge trouble," I say as I reach for my drink. "It's not like I don't want to spend time with you. Told you, there's some things I needed to do." "So have you sorted it all out?" I ask, "Do you need help with anything?" He nods towards the book shelves, "How has the reading been going?" I chew thoughtfully, "I can't help but feel like you're using my love for reading as an excuse to keep me here." He looks at me blankly, "Why would I do that?" I dip my head, "That is my next question." "Aren't you enjoying the books?" I sigh, "The books don't seem like they hold much significance. I mean they're interesting, I've learnt a lot. But how would any of it help you? Or anyone else for that matter." He shrugs, "It needed to be done. You needed to be here." I frown, "Is everyone back home alright?" "Yup, they're all good," he says dismissively. "Good. So, I want to go back now," I say. He wipes his mouth and looks around, "Actually, I was thinking-" "-Oh no, that can't be good," I mutter. He keeps scanning the room and won't meet my eyes, "I have this place I wanted you to stay at for a little while-" "-No," I say firmly, "No more. You either tell me why you don't want me going back home and let me consider listening to you. Or you take me back. I'm not doing this. I miss everyone. I need to go back." He scrubs his face with his palm, "You need to trust me. I know you miss them but it's not like you won't ever see them again." I look down and realize I've been ripping up my serviette. "I need to speak to Mary," I say quietly. I look up to see a pained expression on his face but he looks away quickly and frowns. "Can't you wait a little more?" he asks. I lean forward, forcing him to look at me. "I'm going to lose it. I know my limits. Being here or anywhere else alone, it's making things worse. All I have are my thoughts and even the books can't save me from those. I'm not in the best place right now, you know that. Better than most." He stands up and walks out, leaving me totally dumbfounded. After a minute, I go after him into the courtyard but he's not there. I stalk back into the library and sit on the bed. I grab a pillow and scream into it. "Wow, you really are going to lose your mind." I look up to find him standing by the table and fling my pillow at him, "What the hell, Lassiter!" He puts his hands up in surrender, "I just needed to check if your room was ready for you to go back to." I stand up and stride towards him, "That is rubbish! You and I both know that Fritz always has things neat and tidy." "Yes, well," he starts fidgeting and looks uncomfortable, "I was using your room while you were here." My eyebrows shoot up, "There are so many rooms there. Why on earth..." He clears his throat, "To help Luchas. I wasn't going to stay in his room. I can go through lifetimes not having to see his extra bits." "Lassiter, I could have stayed too. I could have helped as well. It's not like I wouldn't have let you share my room." "It's more complicated than that," he says stubbornly. He holds out his hand, "Ready to go?"