Black Dagger Brotherhood Fan Fiction

Chapter Nineteen

Blay, Q, Wrath, Beth, Jane, Manny and I are all in Wrath's study. It's time to find out what the results are. "You seem so calm about this, Shea," says Beth. I shrug, "More like resigned. I feel like what should happen, will happen. No point stressing out over it more than once." Wrath gestures in Jane and Manny's direction, "So, what are the results?" Blay and Q sit on either side of me. Jane looks at me, "There is definitely some vampire in you." Blay lets out a breath and grabs my hand. A huge smile spreads across his face. Q grins and throws an arm around my shoulders, "I knew it!!" They look at me and their expressions turn uncertain when they notice I'm not smiling. "Are you afraid?" asks Blay quietly. "I'm..." I look at him with a frown, "Actually, I don't know what I am. I've been trying to keep this at the back of my mind and just focus on other things. I've had a lot distracting me too. So, this feels a little surreal." "There are a lot of risks," says Manny. "It's your decision, Shea," says Wrath, "I think you should take a day to think things through and let us know when you're sure." "I'm sure," I say without hesitation, "I want to go through the transition." "You shouldn't be hasty," starts Jane, "There's a lower chance of you making it through and there are also the points you brought up before. We don't know what it would do to the cancer." "I know you're worried but really, what's the worst that can happen? We all know the cancer will kill me at some point. The transition is the deciding factor. Either I survive it or I don't. Personally, I would rather go out knowing I tried rather than doing nothing," I say firmly. "But this could kill you faster. Don't you want some time to do things before we do this?" asks Manny. "I know it seems like I'm being impulsive but I have given it some thought when we spoke about all this initially. I've already been feeling a little worse for wear with the chemo. Before it gets to a point where I feel and look like even less of myself, I would rather get this done. If it would make all of you feel better, I can wait a bit. My answer will be the same though," I say. Wrath rubs his jaw, "One more day won't hurt. We can talk more about it tomorrow."

 Q and Blay walk me back to my room. "I think I should tell Luchas," I say. Q nods, "I've always thought you should. Was just waiting for you to decide to." "Looks like you have the chance to now," he nods forward and we see Luchas walking towards us. Q and Blay head off to their room and make a quick stop to speak to Luchas. "Do you have a minute?" I ask as he gets closer. He nods and we go into my room. He sits on my window seat while I pace around for a bit. My breathing starts to tighten and I feel my stomach twist. I gesture for him to wait a minute and rush into my bathroom. I heave into the toilet pan. Everything I ate at Dean's place is out. There's a knock on the bathroom door, "Shea? Are you okay?" I sigh and take note that my stomach seems to be settling down. "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." I rinse out my mouth and splash my face with water. The cold water feels amazing. I exit the bathroom to find Luchas standing right next to the door. "Are you feeling sick? I should call Jane," he says looking worried. I shake my head, "No point." I drink some of the bottled water by my bedside. He takes out his phone, "Of course there is, she can help you. I don't understand why you have to always be so stubborn." I take his arm and guide him to sit on the bed. "Listen, I will explain. Just give me a minute to finish my water," I say. He looks like he wants to argue but he gives me the benefit of the doubt. "Okay," I say as I sit down too, "I am sick. Jane already knows." "Are you taking medication?" he asks. "I'm on treatment but there are side effects." He frowns, "Well then you need something else to help. I'm sure if we speak to Jane she can find an alternative for you." I hold his arm and he goes still. I try to keep my breathing under control. After vomiting, I usually just feel a whole lot worse. My breathing gets a bit erratic and I just feel so tired. "I have cancer, Luchas. But I'm on chemo, which makes me sick like this sometimes," I say. He looks at me confused, "But I can't smell the sickness on you. I would smell it." I shake my head, "Lassiter has been masking it for me. He knows that I want to keep it private." "How? He's not here so how is it still masked?" he asks. I shrug, "I'm just glad it works." I fall back on the bed, "Anyway, it's terminal. But Jane found out that I have some vampire in me so they're going to try and put me through the transition." His head snaps around to me so fast that I hear it crack, "What the-" "-Do not freak out," I say cutting him off. He gapes at me. "I know it's a lot to take in," I say. He snorts, "Understatement." He stands up and starts pacing. His limp is barely noticeable. "When are you going through the transition? How are they going to initiate it?" he asks. "I don't know. Wrath said he wants me to be sure I want to through it at all and once I do then everything else will be discussed. I've already told them I want to do it but they said they want me to wait a day." "They?" he asks as he faces me. I nod, "Wrath, Beth, Q, Blay, Jane and Manny were there." "Are they the only ones that know?" he asks. "No, Mary knows too." He nods, "So that night by the pool..." "Q was taking me for chemo," I mutter. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asks. He looks hurt. I sit up and gesture for him to sit beside me but he shakes his head. "It isn't because I don't trust you," I say. He looks away from me and crosses his arms over his chest. I sigh. "Luchas, I'm telling you now. Can't that be enough?" He looks at me and his expression softens, "It's going to have to be." I give him a weak smile. He takes my hand and pulls me off the bed and into a hug, "I would have liked to have been there for you more. That's why..." I give him a small squeeze and a yawn escapes me. "Yes, I agree. It's time for you to rest. You've had more than enough excitement for one night," he says and he scoops me up and tucks me in. "Sweet dreams, Shea," he says and I feel his fingers trail across my cheek as my eyes slip shut. I hear him leave and I can't help but think of Lassiter. I really hope he's okay. I miss him. 

Time flies by and we're back in Wrath's study. Luchas is with us this time. This time they explain the process. Jane says she may need V to assist as well. They seem to be really blunt about it, no sugar coating. That's the way I prefer it though. I notice Blay, Q and Luchas become more and more grim as the others explain things. "We've just given you more information. If you need more time to consider things, that's perfectly fine," says Jane. "If Shea wants to go through with this, when will it be done?" asks Q. "Well, the sooner the better," says Manny, "So probably in a few days. Just to take some time to get everything we need ready." "Maybe less than a few days," says Jane. Wrath turns in my direction, "Shea?" I look at him resolutely, "Let's do this."