Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

27. Introduction

They say you can instinctively feel things. When something bad is going to happen, you know in advance. Like a bad vibe that surrounds you, your gut feeling. Sadly that is bullshit.

The day started as a normal day. After shutting down my alarm and falling asleep again for at least 15 minutes, my brother Tom woke me up with too much enthusiasm. As usual I wanted to shove him out of my room, but for the last couple of weeks I’m trying to be more thoughtful. So I gently told him to fuck off. Afterwards my mother came into the room, yelling. Normally that would piss me off, but this was the first time I felt happy about it. Happy that she even had the energy to yell at me. It has only been a few days since she is on prednisone, but I can already see some little changes. Especially in her eyes, they have a little life in them again. It made me so happy that I stood up without arguing.

As I got down for breakfast my father was his cranky self again. He kept muttering behind the newspaper as he ate a sandwich. Muttering about his work and how people make the most stupid mistakes. I didn’t listen and I just quickly shoved a sandwich in my mouth and left the house.

When I came at school I felt pretty good. I greeted Zayn with a small kiss and an over the top fond look. There are still some people who gape at us or make nasty comments, but most of the students don’t even care anymore. The biggest fascination for two guys (one an English gabber and one a Pakistani Muslim) seems to be gone.

All through the first few lessons it felt like it was a normal day: me trying to concentrate (not really trying) and irritating Zayn by teasing and touching him. My phone was on silent the whole time and I didn’t check it.

At lunch break Zayn and I sat outside, as usual. We never talk to anyone else and just sit with each other. I can only be grateful about it since I hate every student in this school, especially the ones in my class. I looked at Zayn who was staring in the distance. He does that a lot, just sitting and staring. Not talking. He likes it that way. Of course I always need to be preoccupied so I decided to check my phone. The first thing I noticed was two missed calls from Bitch. I started to freak out. Yeah, she likes to talk and talk for hours, but she basically never calls during school hours. Especially not twice. My first reaction was that there was something wrong with her. Did something happen with Michael? Or something else?

But then I quickly realized why she called. She knows about Zayn and me. Hazza told her! He couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. Dammit Hazza! I really wanted to tell her myself. I knew she would be totally offended that I haven’t told her.

I immediately called her back and offered my apology before she could even say ‘hello’.

She didn’t know what I was talking about it. She fucking didn’t know! Once again I assumed things that weren’t true. Fucking stupid Tomlinson, how dare you suspect Hazza of something like that? He never broke any promise, he never was not trustworthy. Unlike yourself. He is the greatest person on earth, how could you have ever doubt him? Shit.

It gave me another sense of guilt towards Hazza. I’m just not able to do things right.

Of course I couldn’t avoid the conversation that was bound to happen after my heart wrenched apology. I told her the biggest part of the story and she listened in silence (trust me that never happens). Yeah she sometimes gasped or said ‘no way’, but that was basically it. I was upset that I had to tell her the news on the phone, but it wasn’t nearly as hard as when I had to tell Hazza.

She was shocked when I told her about Zayn, but she also seemed happy for me. She did however insist for me to come over very soon and tell me all about it. I was thankful that she wasn’t mad about the fact that I didn’t tell her. She was a bit upset, because she said she could have been trusted. I nodded my head in shame and suddenly felt so stupid. I kept this a secret for my friends for so long: and what for? What happened that was so bad? Apart from the huge fight I had with Hazza, so far it’s all been good. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I just wasn’t so scared to tell them. But sadly those realizations always come when it’s already too late. It doesn’t change things anymore. It happened and thanks to my wonderful friends Hazza and Bitch the anxiety and guilt I felt was now almost completely gone. Things really seemed to be going well, great even.