Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

29. Date

I stayed at Bitch house till 4 in the morning. Right then I didn’t regret anything. It was fucking amazing. I haven’t had so much fun in a while and I really needed it. But as I sit down for English I suddenly regret my decision. I have a huge headache and I feel like I have to barf.

“Hey Lou,” Zayn sits down next to me and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Hey,” I mumble back.

Mister Whitman rambles on about the book we have to read, which I of course haven’t even started yet. I don’t even know how the book looks like.

“How are you?” He softly touches my hand under the table.

“Well not so good,” I whisper. “Hazza and you don’t get along.”

Zayn still hasn’t talked about it or shared his opinion (although his silence probably says enough), but he finally speaks up.

“I know. Your best friend till eternity and I don’t get along.” He sounds almost mockingly.

I shrug casually. “Well we haven’t spoken for two days and that’s fine with me.” Of course it’s not fine with me and I’ve tried to talk to Hazza but he still ignores me.

“Yeah but we all know you can’t stay away from each other. And the fights probably only make you stronger, right?”

I raise my eyebrows. “Yeah that’s true. But why are you saying this?”

He shrugs. “I’m just checking the reality here.”

“The reality?” I ask confused.

“That I can’t compete,” he says in all seriousness.

“What?” I reply stunned.

“Mister Tomlinson? Care to join something with us?” Mister Whitman asks.

I shake my head, “no sir.”

I stay quiet for a while but I’m still looking at Zayn with a dumbfounded expression. It’s way too early and I feel way too sick for such a conversation, but I can’t ignore this.

“Hey,” I whisper softly. “It’s not a competition.”

Zayn doesn’t reply or react to my words, only stares in the distance. His posture, along with his stare, gives it all a sad vibe. He feels like this is a competition and that he can’t win.

The sad part is, maybe somehow that is true.

Hazza is more important to me, always has been, always will. Although right now it obviously doesn’t seem like it. At the moment I honestly don’t know what to do with Hazza. He is ignoring me and it’s extremely hard for me to handle. I’ve texted and called him but he doesn’t reply or answer me. I want to go to him and yell at him. Yell at him for… I don’t know… for screwing up, for not being okay with Zayn and me. But mostly, for his silence. For not really telling me what he feels. What he wants. As long as Hazza stays stubbornly silent and doesn’t tell me what he really wants or how he really feels, I want to give Zayn a chance. Zayn is so wonderful and I like him so much. I want to show him that. I want to show him that I want to be with him. I just really want to try this. Even as complicated as it all is, I really love Zayn.

“Zayn, I want to be with you.” I say slightly harder, firm and determinate. As per usual I’m not sure about anything, mostly because of Hazza, but right now I know I want to be with Zayn. I want to give him a fair chance.

Zayn looks back at me with a faint smile. “Okay.”

“Okay,” I agree happily.

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