Nostalgic For Disasters [Jake Peralta X Reader]

Alternate Ending

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"FUCK!"

It looked slow and painful, as if she felt every individual millimeter that the bullet ripped through. Getting shot in the stomach means either instant death, slow and painful death, or no death at all. As I looked at her, I couldn't tell which it was gonna be. I raised my gun and fired at the woman at the end of the hall rapidly, without hesitation. She went down quickly and easily. Time blurred as I called in on my radio that all perps were down, and the hostages were ready to be evacuated. Y/N was grabbing at my arm, reaching for stability. I dropped my gun and hoisted her to her feet. She pointed at the room across the hallway with the big windows that looked out to the city. Words didn't reach either of us at that moment. My ears felt blocked, my voice sounded muffled. I yelled at the hostages to evacuate and ignore the dead body in their way.

         I brought Y/N across the hall to the room with the big windows that showed the shimmering lights of New York at night. My hands grew clammy as I sat her up against the wall with a view. The bright lights shining off the roofs of cop cars and ambulances coming and going from the scene had Y/N enamored. She had always loved the lights and commotion of the city, as well as the vivacity of the streets. The palm of her left hand grew redder and redder with each second, her shirt and bulletproof vest didn't provide enough pressure or protection. Her breaths were deep and shallow, though the pain looked almost non-existent. I sat in front of her, taking her right hand in mine, it felt tensed, almost as hard as a rock. "Are you okay? You're handling this like a champ." I pointed out.

"Don't mistake composure for ease, also who are you, my dad? Don't call me champ in my dying hour, Jake." She criticized. "Sorry." I quickly responded. The blood continued to trickle out the wound before starting to trickle onto the top of her thy. anywhere between five and eight minutes before she bleeds out is average, we'll have to wait and see but forty-five seconds have already ticked past. Every single part of this mission felt so painstakingly slow, but now I can feel every single second slipping out of my hands. "Do you have things you need to say?" I asked as comfortingly as I could. She continued looking out the window, the pain beginning to show clearly. "Hmm... I had never really thought about it."

She gazed with a hazy look on her face, often punctuated by furrowed brows and tense frowns. Sirens wailed below us. She watched the headlights drive past us on the road below. A slight grin crept onto her face. Even in the face of death she smiled. The pain quickly whisked away the smile though, replacing it with a face twisted and distorted with pain. I took my hand out of her grasp and dug into the pockets of my pants. "Sour straws?" I asked, presenting her with my last meal that I always keep equipped. "I'm already feeling too bitter, thanks though." She breathed sharply. A minute and fifteen seconds have already passed. I searched her eyes for any emotion other than pain, but they were void of anything else.

"Jake?" Her lips curled into a frown, her eyebrows furrowed, her nose wrinkled and she began to cry. She wept, and started leaning forward before being reminded of her pain. She slouched against the wall, her face tilted up towards the ceiling. "I'm scared." She choked out a sob as I straddled her right leg on my knees to get closer to her. I wrapped my left arm around her for comfort and applied pressure on her wound with my right. "I know, Y/N, I know." She wrapped her right arm around my shoulder and cried into the crook of my neck. "I keep on thinking of hypotheticals instead of facing my real life." "Is it helping?" "A little."

"Okay," I started, "What are you thinking?" She looked me in the eyes for a second before sharing. "Who would I be if I hadn't gotten the chance to love you?" She looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. I smiled at her before answering her hypothetical, "You'd be a lot smarter." I chuckled. She began to laugh as well but the pain shot through her. Two minutes and thirty seconds. She used breathing patterns to cope, as if the injury was just contractions. "Maybe,, but I'd also would've lived a very boring life." I felt my face scrunch, "Boring? Y/N you're an NYPD cop, you were never destined to be boring." She shook her head lightly, with a smile. "No, Jake, I meant like,, without you my life would have been a very boring story to be told." I released a breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

Y/N looked at her hands, covered with blood that now seeped onto the floor. She began furiously wiping her blood off of her hands and onto her pants. I could tell that the adrenaline was starting to wear off by how often she flinched and hissed at the pain. I moved to sit next to Y/N, I wrapped my hand around her back to continue putting pressure on her wound. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, she looked more towards the ceiling when she felt bursts of pain. "Shhh." I hushed her, "Shhh. It's okay." Once again her tears began to fall. "It'll all be okay." We sat still, watching more and more ambulances arrive at the scene, hoping one of them would be coming to pick up Y/N soon.

"Hey." Y/N said hazily. "Hey?" "I just wanna say,," she paused, "if I die, which, to be honest I probably will, I want you to have all my money." I felt my face scrunch, "What, why?" Y/N snickered, before immediately reacting to a slight pain. "Remember our first dinner date?" She asked. "Oh, don't remind me." I cringed. "Yeah," She paused, "that's why." I nodded repeatedly, starting to get emotional. My first real girlfriend, in my arms. Right now, I'm her shelter. I'm the only stable thing that she has right now. I stopped counting minutes and seconds, and I stopped referring to my watch. We sat together silently for a bit. I felt unable to talk, as if I were the one dying.

"Y/N/N?" I asked. Her eyes shifted up to meet mine. "I love you." I smiled, before seeing the confusion in her eyes. "NOT LIKE ACTIVELY ROMANTICALLY LOVING YOU," I shifted my gaze, the word vomit unable to stop. "But like, I look up to you and there was a point where I loved you in that way but I love you in a not romantic way." I finished bumbling, and looked back at her. She went to speak but couldn't. I know it wasn't a lack of words, it was just that time ticked pass. The more time passes the less you can do. The first gone are hunger and thirst, followed by speech and vision, fading out with hearing and touch. As soon as speech is gone, the person themself is almost gone too.

I unraveled myself from Y/N, siting in front of her once again, God, my knees hurt. I cupped her face, wet with tears. I knew she was fading out, I wanted to take in the look of her fully once more. I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, hugging her into my chest. I was never sure if she knew what exactly was coming. "I love you, Y/N." I repeated again, hoping she could still hear me. The tears she no longer cried either absorbed into her skin or puddled up underneath her chin.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N."
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