Lost Souls

Chapter 18

xx.
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Daenerys
King's Landing Cemetery. The cemetery? Why are we here? When you said you wanted to take me somewhere I didn't assume it would be this.

You stop at a headstone and just look down. Your eyes are closed and your saying something that I can't understand. You look up and motion me to come towards you. Ygritte Snow. Snow?

"I met her in the army. She was something else. She wasn't afraid to speak up about whatever was on her mind. She was someone I loved. We were supposed to get married, when we came home, but she never made it home. She died in my arms." Your still looking at the headstone while I'm looking at you.

"I'm sorry". I say placing my hand on your shoulder.

"That's why I'm afraid to let you in. I lost her and went down a path I'm not proud of. I don't even remember the last year because of how fucked up I was. And I know if I lost you I wouldn't be able to pick myself back up". You say moving away from me and looking at me.

"I'm not going anywhere Jon"

"If you keep using you will. If you keep going on about your life like you don't care about dying. Then you will".

You look at me and furrow your brows. And that's it. You see it. You see the truth. "You don't care do you? You don't care whether or not you live? When did you stop?"

"When my mother died. I don't care if I live because quite frankly who wants to live in my life. The constant battle in my head. The constant pain I feel. The need to take something just to feel anything. So tell me Jon what is the point of living when your already dead?". My voice starts to get shaky and I look away from you. I can't look into those eyes who I love so much but can't say it.

"Because you'll be alive Dany. You'll be here." Your voice gets cold and you take a step towards me. I take a step back. This is why I can't let go. I can't hurt you. I won't allow myself too.

"I want to go home now". I say looking into your eyes. You just scoff and walk off. I just got you back and I'm going to lose you again. But I can't let you see me break because if your happiness means me leaving you alone and pushing you away then so be it .

I get into your car and we drive in silence. Your gripping the steering wheel tighter then anything and your body is tense. I turn my head back to the window and watch the trees go by.

Twenty minutes later and we're outside my house. I look over at you and see that your looking ahead. I didn't even realize I fell asleep. I unbuckle my seat belt and put my hand on the handle. I can't bring myself to leave the car. I know if I do then this is it.

"I'm sorry I can't be the person who you want me to be. You told me to let go so now I'm telling you. Let go of me Jon." I say before walking out of the car and up my steps. I unlock my door and open it. I hope you'll stop me from closing the door, but you won't. And you didn't.

Jon

"I'm sorry I can't be the person who you want me to be. You told me to let go so now I'm telling you. Let go of me Jon."

I don't stop you from going into your house. I don't stop you from closing the door. I can't. I can't bring myself to leave my car. I can't stop thinking about you not caring about your life. How can someone so beautiful and worth living not care? How can someone whose made me more happy this past day then my entire life not care?

I still haven't left. I'm still sitting here in front of your house with these thoughts in my head. With everything you said to me. How can you tell me to let go of you? You think it's that easy. If I could let go of you I would.

Fuck you Daenerys Targaryen. Fuck you for making me fall in love with you. Fuck me. Fuck me for being completely and utterly in love with you.
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I'm sorry?