Random Bits of my Brain

I Never Knew Happiness

I never knew how happy I could be

Until you changed my life & decided to date me

There was a time when I honestly didn't believe 

I could ever be with someone for so long

But you proved me wrong

I did everything to try to escape that cloud

& see the sunshine in the past

But now that I'm with you 

I don't need to fill that hole

& yet my happiness continues to last

You complete me, you fill all the holes

You believe in me, & you support all my goals

I'll never let go of all that you gave me

& that's why I'm not ready to give us up

for our different lifestyles you see

People come people go

Some your friends others foe

Yet you remain in me forever

& if you leave I'll forget you never

I needed you all those dark, lonely years

To hold me & console me & protect me from my fears

I wish I knew how happy I could have been 

Because maybe I wouldn't have made all the mistakes I did back then

I'm a new person now & that's all because of you

You changed me for the better, & that my friend is true

People come people go

Some your friends others foe

Yet you remain in me forever

& when you're gone I'll forget you never

They say God forgives all & forgets everything

But, I cannot yet forgive myself because to thoughts of my past I do cling

I wish I could wipe my emory clean as my slate

& understand that Hell is not my fate

But, I'm so absorbed with my past

All the wrong & the bad

& I can't move past the idea of the good life I could've had

I ruined all I touched

Like Midas, but not with gold

I burned ever bridge I came to 

& the fire multiplied ten fold

Oh how I wish I could have been bold

Rather than have a heart that was cold

Maybe then I would have had someone to hold

But, instead I was alone & so I was never told

That to the devil, my soul was not yet sold

& without this knowledge, oh the tears how they rolled

I did not feel worthy

So dirty so ashamed

It hurt on the inside

So my body I maimed

I did not feel sadness nor love, nor hate

All I know was anger, & that was my fate