Random Bits of my Brain

Regret

Unworthy

As the heavy rain falls down

It seems my world may end

I inhale the water & drown

'Cause it's better than living with what I did

I wish this was holy water

To wash away my sins

But instead this rain makes mud

So thick that I need fins

I don't pray for a life raft

To save my evil soul

Instead I slit my own neck

Creating gills through which to blow

My God, My Father, I do not deserve your grace

I completely understand if you look into my face

As I reach your kingdom's gates

& you banish me to Hell

I will not be surprised

I won't fight I won't yell

My insides have turned toxic

My gut begins to rot

I won't accept forgiveness

My stomach is a knot

Swelling from the inside

Soon to burst like a balloon

Spraying my wicked ways

Like confetti across the room

I should be quarantined

To protect others from my flesh

But I know that you forgive me

& my slate has been refreshed

There is no amount of gratitude

To thank you for your love

I will never be worthy

I should be disposed of

My Regret

I know how much I hurt you

I know what I did wrong

I know I don't deserve you

After stringing you along

I still remember summer

When I pushed you towards sin

It was your first music fest

But you didn't let me win

The car ride home was silent

& I knew then I'd messed up

The quietness was violent

When I realized we broke up

You were so good to me

Because you knew not I was bad

But, I treated you poorly

& I left you feeling sad

I wrote to you from rehab

I tried to make amends

I apologized for everything

Because I wanted to be friends

We went to our friends' wedding

Ate cake & drank champagne

We talked about my letter

Which in your car you did retain

You have a vision for your future

& that's to doctor people's eyes

But, I could be a part of that 

If you'd only realize

I know that it sounds crazy

To ask for one more chance

But, our future isn't hazy

If you'd give it a real glance