Yellow Badger [3]// Harry Potter // Draco Malfoy

To Live, is to Forgive

Chapter Twenty-Nine: To Live, is to Forgive.

Leaving my Doctor-appointed therapist appointment in Dumbledore's office, I stood outside the door and wanted to scream.
Behind me, I heard the metal of the door lock bang and I loved out of the way. The old professor opened the door, looking at me over his half-moon glasses.
"Miss Longbottom," He said calmly, holding the door open," Can I offer you a cup of tea?"
I nodded slowly, dropping my bag next to the sofa I had just left.

When Francesca Gregory had been here, the office felt dull of all colour with the walls closing in and as if the eyes of the portraits had been following me. Now she had left, it felt calmer, from floor to ceiling there was evidence of every headteacher who sat in that chair. From the bookshelves that held books older than the school itself, to artefacts that decorated the space. On his desk were several copies of today's paper, Delores Umbridge was on the front with her suitcases around her feet. Her picture had been taken after the fireworks display with soot still on her face. 'Umbridge under investigation.' Was the headline, the news of her brutal acts had been revealed when a first-year wrote a letter home telling their parents of the Blood Quills. From there it spiralled.
'Dumbledore and Potter Vindicated' was on another, the photo was of Dumbledore holding Harry in his arms after his mental battle with Voldemort.
The third was a special edition, 'You-Know-Who-Returns' in block capital letters with no photo, those words alone had the impact it needed.

"The Carriages to the train start leaving in an hour," Dumbledore said," but I thought I could have a chat with you first."
I nodded, pulling at the lint on my white cardigan, "What up?"
Dumbledore smiled as he sat down his elbow resting on the arm of his chair," I would like to thank you, for your work this year. I recruited you to the Order, so I believe it is my responsibility to make sure you are ok."
I creased my eyebrows," Professor, I'm fine. Bellatrix and Rodolphus being there has caused some setbacks, I know that. I know that I won't be able to do what I did this year again, my head can't take it."
"I know," He said sympathetically," Mrs Gregory has informed us you will be going back to the medications?"
"Just until everything is manageable again," My lips quivered," I'm sorry Professor that I can't be of more help."
Professor Dumbledore looked at me with glassy eyes," Miss Longbottom, your hope and brightness are everything you need to help, not the ability you have. However, to be helpful to others, you need to be more lenient on yourself."
"I'll try." 
He smiled, standing up from his chair," I ask only one more thing of you."
"What's that professor?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows together.
"To live, Miss Longbottom." His voice quietened," To live and to forgive yourself."
I looked at him confused.
"I find libraries as big as ours incredibly useful," Dumbledore spoke as he walked to his desk," especially if the answers you need, are not necessarily the answers you want."
My eyes darted around my head as I tried to piece together what he said," Professor?"
"Have a safe Summer, Miss Longbottom," He said standing behind his desk," It will only get darker, so I suggest enjoying the sun whilst you can."

Nodding slowly, I picked up my belongings and walked back out the door and down the Griffin stairs. I bit my lip in thought as I decided to take Dumbledore's advice and go to the library. 

The line outside the library ran from Madam Prince's desk and down the corridor, without a book to return, I walked straight past. Each section of the library was empty, the reading lamps had been turned off and chairs neatly pushed up against the reading desks. The Hogwarts banners and curtains had been taken down and folded in a pile on a cart ready to be washed.
I reached the middle of the library, glancing around at possible hiding places. Everything was out in the open, the light from the windows didn't create any shadows for people to hide in. As I was about to give up, a ghost girl poked her head out from behind the shelves.
"Celyn?" She whispered, emerging fully.
She was so small, no taller than the first shelf on the bookcases, her hair was down coming to an end just before the Ravenclaw crest on her uniform.
Regret filled me and I smiled gently, "Hi Lisa."
Excitement filled her as she flew around me before floating in the air so we were at eye level.
"You ok?" She asked with a toothy grin.
It was then I noticed she had lost a tooth before she died, her smile had a large gap where her canine tooth should be.
I almost laughed," Am I ok? Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
"No," She said, her eyebrows creased together," Because I'm dead. But I have a whole library full of books and forever to read them in! So, I ask you, are you ok?"
Shaking my head, I trapped my upper lip between my teeth," I couldn't save you, I'm sorry."
She shrugged," It ok; Myrtle helped me understand what happened, then Helena has been keeping me company."
"Helana Ravenclaw?" I questioned curiously, "The Grey Lady, Helena?"
Lisa nodded," Yeah, so it's not all bad being dead. Plus I'm hoping my little brother and sister are wizards so I can see them grow up."
I wanted to cry, she was missing out on so much because I wasn't quick enough.
"Don't cry." She said softly," If anyone should be crying it's me, I'm dead."
I laughed," Yeah, that's true."
"You are doing amazingly Celyn," She said proudly," I know you blame yourself, but don't. Tom Riddle killed me, Lucius Malfoy helped, but you didn't kill me."
"I'm still sorry."
Lisa floated up and sat cross-legged on the table," Do you want to know a fact about DreamWalkers? I've been reading a lot."
"Sure," I said slowly, not knowing where she was going with this.

"They historically, have been known to put too much pressure on themselves. Janice Tucker was so consumed with what she saw, that she refused to wake up. Everything she saw wasn't real, it was the dreams and wants of other people." She said sweetly," When she woke, she had nothing, but she had aged decades. When do you stop chasing other people's dreams and start chasing your own."
I smiled," But I know what I want to do, I want to play music and run the ice cream parlour."
"Do you?" She questioned," You skipped your careers meeting,  You were too busy running after someone else, making sure they had a future. Have you ever thought about what you want? Want, not what you think you want."
I stopped to look at her," No, I haven't. I like potions and Astronomy, then the music comes as second nature."
Lisa pursed her lips," When you play, people watch and listen to you Celyn. You make potions like no other, don't let those skills go to waste."
"Thank you."
Lisa smiled, wrapping her ghostly arms around me," It ok, I just don't want you to get lost regretting things you can't control and miss out on a life. Do what you need to do to make this world free, but it's what you do after the war, that means more."
"I miss you," I confessed.
She floated up, twirling around and sat on her knees on the bookshelves," The visit me more, I know you don't because you blame yourself. But I miss my friends."
"I'll see you in September," I called up.
"You better!" She shouted," And bring the floof ball!"