Addicted

Ocean Eyes

Lila continued to toss and turn, chasing sleep, but sleep just ran further and further from her grasps. She supposed this was another symptom of the withdrawal her body was going through. Thoughts ran so quickly through her mind she could barely recognize them. She sat up abruptly in bed and pressed her hands hard against the sides of her head, clenching her eyes; willing both the pain and thoughts to stop. It was useless.

One thought that was constant, constant since the day she came out of the Vault was "why are you still here?".

Her husband was long dead. Her son, also now dead, was not who she thought or wanted her son to be. Elder Maxson...well...he had other things to worry about and she knew it was never going to become something she was looking for him to give her. He had made that clear even more so over the past couple days with his clear annoyance of her and her actions.

Her soft blue eyes glazed over with tears as all these men crossed her mind. She felt alone, had so for months and months. She was able to push it aside for so long because she was holding on to the thought of saving Shaun and the possibility of her and Arthur working things out.

But now her last hopes were dashed.

She pulled herself out of bed, walking toward the large doors. Her IV's had been removed earlier that evening, allowing her to move more freely.

Lila knew that the guards at the door changed about this time of night from when she would stay up late with Danse. There would be a brief moment where no one would be watching her door, and she knew this was her opportunity to do what she needed to do.

The hard rubber soles of the guards boots squeaked as they moved away from the door, right on cue. She cracked the door open and looked around. The halls of the Prydwen were quiet, the soft rumble of engines being the only noise echoing through the halls at this hour.

She slipped softly into the hallway, her bare feet carrying no noise as she slinked into the darkness and toward the flight deck. As she emerged from the door and into the cool early morning air her heart jumped into her throat as new tears stung at her eyes.

Was she sure this was what she wanted? This would solve her problems, right? She spun her wedding band around her finger with the thumb on the same hand.

Soon, she thought, soon her and Nate would be reunited in peace. Her thin nightdress and long hair whipped around her in the darkness that was edging the sunrise, the soft glow of Diamond City in the distance setting the dark ambiance of her final night.

She walked slowly to an empty vertibird docking station, looking over the edge of the metal grating, her chest heavy as she tried to breath calmly and fight back tears. She looked down her nose as she stepped closer to the edge, her big toe clutching the edge of the metal. The metal was chilly against her bare feet. The wind continued to cast her hair in front of her face, but she didn't mind. Not at this moment.

Her eyes drifted gently shut as she finally let out a long, steady exhale. For this one moment she felt somewhat at peace. Before she could move any closer to the edge she heard the metal door behind her slam open, whacking hard against the metal railing.

"Lila!" she heard the familiar rough voice call out. The voice had scared her the tiniest bit, but she didn't dare to take a step.

She didn't need to open her eyes to know who it was. Slowly turning her head, her eyes slowly opened, watching Arthur take cautious steps toward her. A group of knights stood behind him at a safe distance.

"What are you doing?" he asked her softly against the wind.Lila shook her head slowly, fighting tears, trying to speak without cracking her facade.

"I can't do this anymore," she spoke back, her words barely above a whisper as she looked at him longingly.

Arthur stepped slowly toward her "Do what Lila?" He asked concerned, their eyes never parting. Her eyes had never looked so scared, yet so deep. He swore he could swim in the ocean of her eyes if she allowed him to.

"I lost my husband and my son was taken from me. After months of searching for my son I lost him too. Then, after believing I couldn't be betrayed again, the one man I thought I could love after I lost my husband denied me and hates me now." Her voice cracked at the last sentence as she stared deep into his eyes, watching his face pang with guilt.

"Please Lila, step back from the edge. We can work this out. I promise you, things will get better. "

Lila's huge eyes brimmed with tears as her auburn hair whipped into her face, sticking to the tear stains on her cheeks. She looked back over the edge and then back to the strong man before her.

Just then her eyes started to get heavy, despite her fighting the urge. Before losing consciousness she took a small step forward, toward Arthur.