Addicted

All Apologies

"Lila." Arthur's voice was rough from the bout of sleep he had just awoken from.

"Arthur." Lila returned with the smallest of whispers.

Moments dragged on while they stared at each other. Both of them clawing through their minds to try and form words to express anything, but especially to acknowledge what had happened earlier.

"You scared me..." Arthur spoke quietly, his gaze fell from hers as he thought back to what brought them here. Lila had never heard his voice at such a low volume. Her heart aches softly, realizing that she was the one who was causing this pain in him.

"I'm so-," Lila began, but was stopped when Arthur put his hand up. She stared at the palm of his hand as she waited for him to finish.

"You don't need to apologize," his voice trailed softly. "I'm the one who needs to apologize to you."

Lila gave him a confused, unsure look before she nodded gently, signalling him to continue on with what he was saying.

"Ever since Upsilon brought you here I haven't exactly been...understanding of your situation. I wholeheartedly blamed you for where you got yourself. I can't lie to you, I thought what had happened to you was due to weakness on your part. Weakness that was unexcused and could be ignored." His voice stayed strong the whole time he spoke, his eyes still averted from hers. It was hard to meet her gaze as he admitted that when this first started he thought she was just weak, that she was just making excuses to pick up bad behaviours.

"I understand now. It wasn't weakness. It wasn't excuses. It wasn't something you wanted. It was a result of ignorance; ignorance of those around you. Which, in turn, had an effect on you."

Lila was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as he spoke, her heart skittering around her rib cage as she listened wholeheartedly.

"Maybe...just maybe, if one person had paid attention, checked up on you, stayed with you...this may not have happened. But instead, people took what they needed and left you behind. And...I'm including myself in that..."

The last sentence he whispered. Lila was shocked to hear the words fall from his mouth.

"Lila, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I belittled and ignored your feelings. I'm sorry I walked away when you needed someone the most. That night, of the party? When you said you were okay? I should have known that wasn't the truth." He took her hand gently and stroked his thumb across the plain of her knuckles. That night was still fresh in both of their memories. The unspoken words of how 'not okay' she was. The unrequited 'I love you' that had hung in the air between them before souring, changing their feelings and actions toward each other in so many aspects. The night, for Lila, when there was no turning back.

"You gave up more than anyone can realize, all without being asked. Without most people realizing what you had to sacrifice and what you had to lose. All of this, you did without looking for credit of any kind. And so many people walked away from you when you needed someone the most. And for that, I'm sorry. I can never forgive myself that it took you...trying to take your life for me to realize all this." Arthur finished and finally flicked his eyes up to meet hers.

Tears stung the edges of her eyes again. The fluttering in her chest calmed and she shut her eyes softly, a tear falling from her right eye and trickling down her cheek. Arthur slowly lifts his left hand and casts the tear away with his index finger. He went to pull his hand away but she grabbed it with her own, pressing it gently to her cheek. She nuzzled softly into the calloused skin of his palm.

When she re-opened her eyes, his were fully focused on hers. She let a small, scared grin cross her lips.

"Thank you," she spoke barely above a whisper. "Arthur...?" Her voice trailed softly on, waiting for his gentle nod of approval before continuing. A few more tears slipped down her cheeks before she spoke again.

"I don't know what to do... Can you please help me?"