DREAMING || YOONMIN [COMPLETE]

14: A Disappointing Birthday

Clutching his phone in one hand, Jimin breathed in deeply, pressing the call button. He didn't even know why he was internally growing more nervous with the ringing in his ear, but he was still anxious. Even when he'd given himself a little pep talk and rehearsed what he'd say several times, he was still anxious. 

It felt like a test to him, to decide what he would say. 

He had decided against purchasing a gift because it would be more awkward than helpful.

It was Jeongguk's birthday. He knew the boy more than anyone else, yet he was still afraid that he would judge him. To make things worse, if he messed up, then he would ruin Jeongguk's birthday. 

Was that weird?

Tingles ran up and down his spine when he tried calling the second time.

Ring, ring.

"Hello?" Jeongguk's voice from the other side, but not actually his voice. Jimin felt a sigh escape him at this realization, almost tossing his phone aside in frustration. 

It was Jeongguk's voice from a long time ago. Jimin was surprised that he'd even kept that ringtone on his phone. But then again, his calls to Jeongguk usually never went to voicemail, so that was probably why. 

Back when the three of them—three being Jimin, Jeongguk, and Taehyung—were better friends, also the time that Jimin was a freshman in college, they made it. He knew how the rest went. As the ringtone went on in the background with its loud giggling and obnoxious farting noises, Jimin tuned out.

It was just an annoying prank that they thought was funny. Back when they were younger, that is. When Jimin insisted it be changed, Jeongguk still thought it was funny and kept it. Taehyung did the same.

And Jimin knew Taehyung kept it for different reasons than it being funny, but he tossed that thought aside for the nth time because it wasn't helpful.

Again, Jimin pressed the call button, growing tired of being rejected. There was a lot of that recently, if he could be allowed to say so. It was the third time.

Fourth time, fifth time.

He called until he lost count and there was a clear sign that no one was answering. So even though he was disappointed, he decided to send a message. It consisted of two words: happy and birthday. No "I miss you"s or "I love you"s. He didn't feel great about the situation. Something about it made him feel uneasy, but he paid no mind. That was what Jimin normally did in his times of doubt and anxiety when they were too much.

Jimin sat on the couch in his sweats, sulking. He pulled the nearest blanket onto himself with a pout, throwing his phone to the far side of the couch.

Okay, he admitted to missing Jeongguk again. A lot. He missed his warm, loving touch, his scent, his smile, his aura— he missed his everything. Now that his boyfriend was gone, he wasn't himself anymore, or what he thought was himself.

For a while, he sat motionless, staring into the depths of his cup, the coffee which he tried to brew. It failed, but that didn't really matter. He blinked a few times, vision slowly coming back into focus, and he looked up at the far wall, tracing patterns onto his cup.

Maybe Jeongguk was with his family. A part of him still wanted an explanation, though he knew that the boy did that on his birthday. When Jeongguk moved into his apartment, he learned about it. His parents always made him birthday dinner, gave him gifts, even sometimes got gifts from his friends' parents. With Jimin, it was different.

He didn't get gifts, rarely even earning enough money to get his own.

Jeongguk had to help him pay his apartment rent, and when he had an internship for a short time at the studio, he helped to pay a little. That's where his jealousy about Taehyung's fashion label brand clothing originated from. The fact that he'd never had any of those things when he was growing up, and they had it handed to them on a silver platter.

Even when he had earned enough money for just one jacket or pair of boots, he had to give it away to his family. It might've been selfish to say that he really wanted to buy those things, but he did. His parents tried so hard to provide education for him, but they didn't try hard enough. Jimin knew about all the times they'd been out without him, spent drinking and gambling.

There were so many excuses they used. Stressed, tired, it didn't matter. He knew they were all fake, just excuses to use money for something that wasn't worth it.

Whenever Jeongguk offered to buy him something expensive, he refused. It was all a piece of who he had become. That taught him to do everything he could to not end up like them. To accept anything he could from anyone, take their money, their kindness, and treat it like dirt. Make his children- or adopted children, he didn't care as long as they were children—suffer like he had to. He remembered crying. He still cried about it.

Brick by brick, they'd torn him down as he tried to build himself back up. He replaced the bricks with other things; anything he could replace to hide his weak self would suffice.

The self that he knew, deep down, was still there. One that he was afraid was rising to the top again, taking control. It wasn't a matter of how, just a matter of when.

They didn't even have enough money to afford visiting him. He didn't want them to visit him, to beg his boyfriend for money. That would be fair to Jeongguk or to him—to embarrass him like that would be horrible of them.

Although they'd loved him with every piece they had, it still hadn't been enough. They'd taken dance away from him, stripped him of the smallest things. One time, he'd caught them opening the gifts that Taehyung's family had given to him. 

And it hurt. A lot. 

A small piece of him guessed that was partly the reason why he had agreed to be Jeongguk's boyfriend. And if that hurt him, then how much would it hurt Jeongguk? He already knew the answer. It would absolutely crush him.

He tried not to think about it happening. When it would happen, was a better way to phrase it. He knew that it was inevitable, and it would happen eventually.

That thought alone scared him, to the point where he was at loss for words. His pride kept his fear from becoming reality. Sometimes, he was glad that it was there, and other times, he was not.

This was one of those times, where he knew it was bound to happen soon.

He sat shivering on the couch, though the blanket was covering him fully. He was freezing cold in his quiet, dark apartment, too lazy to get up and be productful. Procrastination made its home on his eyelids and he shut them, leaning over onto his side, where he would be for the hours left until dark.

What a disappointing day this was.

★★★

a/n: hello~

sorry for not updating consistently like i said i would earlier— did i say that? i don't know

anyway, what did you think of the chapter? i decided to include a little of jimin's backstory... the thoughts might be a little out of proportion because he said that the most unfair thing was them taking away dance from him, but dance is his life. 

i promise that yoonmin will, i don't know, happen soon? there'll be more aCtIon. also, i changed the location to city instead of town because i don't think that towns have really any type of downtown like the one i imagined for this? idk, it just felt right. 

it will make more sense in the future (?)

also, sorry for such a long author's note, but i had to clear up some things here too... keke

ALSO, 500 READS AND 100 VOTES?!? i don't deserve this support T____T

thanks for reading. 

i purple you all 💜