DREAMING || YOONMIN [COMPLETE]

20: A Change in Color

Jimin noticed the change in behavior from other students, including his professor. They all looked at him strange, yet he didn't know why.

Had he said something? He didn't think so. But if he had, he just wished someone would say something. All the silent stares and whispering made him go crazy. Especially since he hadn't been one to really crave attention in a bad way. Some people did, and he couldn't understand them. But here he was, somehow stealing all the attention.

His professor had been giving him more work as usual, and rejected the pieces that he actually spent time one. Maybe that's why he hadn't passed his class last year. Maybe she hoped that he would give up. 

He really felt like giving up now, since he was alone most of the time with only his thoughts to accompany him. It made his mind wander to the possibilities of what he could do about the situation, also rendering him helpless after he found out there was nothing he could do to stop things from happening the way they did. 

And because of this, he would be forced to live a lie. In fact, they were his own lies. Not someone else's, but his own. It made it all the worse. That hurt; he was too weak to even think about admitting anything to anyone at any price. Even the price of making them pay for it.

He kept having that dream over and over. It repeated in his head, driving him absolutely insane.

And then came his birthday. He stayed up all night for multiple nights, doing his best to prevent himself from sleeping. He was absolutely desperate at this point, to not have anything to worry about, but that didn't work. 

The next day, he was exhausted.

Nothing interesting happened because he didn't let it happen—he remained in his dorm all day, laying on the couch and crying. Despite his efforts, he fell asleep anyway, eyelids shutting from pure exhaustion.

Of course, he wouldn't tell anyone he collapsed in the kitchen because then they would worry. At least he hadn't left the stove on.

It wasn't that he was trying to be a sad sack, his life was just treating him too poorly. Beyond his comprehension. Everything had been going so well, and it just crumbled. On top of that, his parents didn't even acknowledge his birthday and made no attempt to wish him well. 

So much for teaching him to love people if they couldn't even love him properly.

His professor had treated him badly the day after, too. He couldn't wait until the next break so he could wallow in his own sadness. He guessed most people did that nowadays like it was natural.

Speaking of people, for the time being, he hated them more than his own existence. And that meant a lot.

The last words of the male—whose name he still didn't know—were bouncing around in his head, hitting and knocking every other thought out of the way. He kept remembering that attempted kiss, the other details of the dream, and so on. 

But those words were the most prominent in his mind. 

He'd made the point of saying "I'm in your head", but what was that supposed to mean? How was Jimin supposed to find out what that meant? He wanted to ask, but at the same time didn't want to know.

If his head kept spinning, he was worried that he might throw up. It hurt him so badly to know that he was clinging onto something this questionable because he was bored, but it was all he had to latch onto.

Ryujin had kindly asked that he stay away from her for a couple days while she "thought about things" and dealt with Yewon. Jimin knew that meant fire her, but since Ryujin was so sweet about it, she would probably find her somewhere else to work first. Which didn't make sense because Yewon had money, and he knew that Ryujin knew it. 

So why else would she want to work there than to bother the employees? Or rather, the customers? Maybe one in particular? He didn't know why she wanted anything to do with him. Her family wouldn't approve. She talked about it, once, while they were working. 

Apparently, Yewon's family wanted her to marry some rich person and move across the country into a mansion. He'd simply smiled while she talked, not having enough sleep to care at that point. He thought she was lying, but apparently not.

Maybe she just wanted to do something on her own for once. And for that reason, he felt a smidge of regret for dismissing her so easily. She didn't seem like that bad of a person—

Oh, who was he kidding? He couldn't change anybody. Perhaps for the bad, but most definitely not for the good. What he was good at consisted of pleasing his boyfriend—though not at the moment—and hoarding sweatpants and shirts. That was practically it.

And he was sure that was all he could ever be good at.

Sometimes, when he fell asleep, he could feel the stares that came from the other students. 

Their eyes burned blazing scars into his skin, leaving marks that he knew would never disappear, even if he tried washing them away. The point was, it hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up and tell them. 

Besides, most of them were first years and actually interested in the topics presented to them, and probably wondered why there was a sleeping third year in their class. 

He wondered if he'd said something in his sleep. Something along the lines of a curse word or two—maybe something about the male. Hell, maybe he even complimented him without realizing it? That would be embarrassing.

What if one of them knew him? Had he mentioned a description? All the "what if"s made him exhausted. He just really wanted to figure out what his mind was trying to tell him. Who was this man and why him? 

Out of all people, why him? That was a question he had yet to answer.

★★★

a/n: ah, wow. 

there's another filler chapter. i write way too many of those, as some of you might know by now.....

i've probably said it already, but there's more coming reeeeally soon. i mean it this time.

i purple you all 💜