paroxysm | j.jh

71 - Narration

S A V A N N A H

"Sav." napatunghay ako ng marinig kong tinawag ako ni Eunwoo oppa. I'm in front if their building waiting for him. I decided to talk to him today. Inipon ko pa talaga ang lakas ng loob ko. I've never felt bad like this. Ngayon lang, and I really do like him. Pero pareho ko lang masasaktan kaming dalawa ni Eunwoo kapag di ko sinabi sa kanya 'to.

"E-Eunwoo... I actually went here because I n-need to tell you something." I already expected his smile to fade pero hindi. His smile even become brighter.

"Can you tell me that later? Samahan mo muna ako kumain?" he asked and I don't know but I think his voice came out a little bit like a plea.

I gulped and felt more guilty. How can I tell it to him without hurting him? Feeling ko tuloy sobrang sama ko. Parang pinaasa ko kasi siya na pwedeng magkaron ng kami at pwedeng makalimutan ko si Jaehyun. I was desperate to forget him too! Pero anong magagawa ko?

"B-But---"

"Please? Even just for the last time, Sav." he said it like it's nothing. Natigilan ako at tumitig lang sa mga mata niya. He's still smiling but I can't stop myself from feeling guilty when I saw a slight sadness flickered in his eyes.

Tumango ako at hindi na umangal pa sa hiniling niya. He smiled again then we both walked towards his favorite place to eat. It's actually nice and I kind of like the food since we ate there a couple of times already.

Nang marating namin 'yon ay hindi naman kami nahirapang humanap ng mauupuan. He chose our usual spot at sumunod naman ako sa kanya. He sat down then smiled me again.

Parang lalo lang ulit akong naguilty nang makita ko nanaman yung ngiti niya.

"Eunwoo---"

"Let's eat first, Sav. What do you want to eat? Usual?" he asked normally. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang tumango sa tanong niya. He stood up then.walked towards the counter to order our food.

Napatungo ako at pinaglaruan ang mga daliri ko. I feel so bad right now. I'm about to hurt a guy who did nothing but to make me happy. Sobrang sama ko na ba?

After a couple minutes, napatunghay ulit ako nang umupo na ulit siya sa harapan ko. He ordered our food and now he's back at his sit. Akala ko iimik siya pero binuksan niya ang bag niya at naglabas ng bundles of papers.

"Do you mind if I do some reading while we wait for our food? I'm sorry but I have a lot of things to read." he said sounding so sorry.

Agad akong umiling, "No! Go ahead and read. It's not a problem to me." I said smiling a little at him just to assure him that it's completely fine.

He smiled then nodded. Nagbuklat siya papunta don sa may tanda na parte ng babasahin. He even got high-lighters from his bag. Napangiti ako, para kasing part na yon ng mga lawyers. A material to read and high-lighters. It's like a package deal, hindi pwedeng mawala ang isa sa dalawa.

While he do his reading, ako naman ay nilibang ang sarili ko sa paglalaro sa daliri ko. I even tried constructing sentences to say to Eunwoo. I'm finding a way to tell it to him in a less hurtful way.

Napatunghay ako nang dumating na ang order naming dalawa. He puts aside his material and smiled at the crew who served us the food. After that, inasikaso niya rin ang pagkain ko. He gave me utensils and even handed me tissues. Ngumiti ako at kumain na kaming dalawa.