Tired of Running

66|| still here

// i'd rather be a lover than a fighter,
because all my life i've been fighting \\

~

"Emily..." Thomas' voice was what pulled her out of her sleep. She squinted, meeting her brother's eyes. "Not Emily..." She breathed, "I don't remember anything about Emily. I'm Harper. Harper has a family... Harper remembers her brother..." She sighed and swung her legs over the bed, "Where are the boys?" Harper was slightly disappointed they hadn't been waiting here for her... Her disappointment was short lived though, as Newt and Minho pushed through the tent's canvas curtain, "Hey, shuckface..." Minho smirked slightly. Newt sat beside Harper on her bed, "You look good.." He nodded, smiling softly. "Then why do you look so sad?" Harper returned the sad smile, shaking her head, "I'm not going anywhere... Someone has to make sure you boys stay in check..." Thomas knew Harper was in good hands and left quietly, mumbling quiet thanks to Newt and Minho. Harper let her head fall on Newt's shoulder, keeping her hand on Minho's arm. Her boys. Her best friends in the entire world. She had made a silent vow- she wouldn't leave them until she knew they were safe. She would fight as long and as hard as she could. She had fought her whole life and wouldn't stop now.

Harper noticed the boys' silence right away. It was louder than any screams she could remember... Of course they were worried. Worry had never helped anything in the Maze, so why would it now? "Hey," Harper took their hands, "I'm not dying... Not right now." Newt just looked at her sadly and placed a soft kiss on her head... This only made her feel worse. Harper couldn't take them looking at her like
she was wounded any longer. She needed air and to not be pitied... The sun was still as bright and overwhelming as it had been in the rest of the Scorch. Harper grabbed a canteen of water and drained it, walking towards a group of boys with no particular reasoning. Brenda was sitting next to George, she finally looked happy... Thomas and Frypan were there too, along with Aris, Sonya and Harriet. Harper almost smiled. It was normal... Like the nights in the Glade. Before their real problems started... Harper turned to the rocky hill at the edge of the camp. She could sit and think... The most dangerous thing for her to do. Think. Be left alone with her thoughts. Harper hadn't let herself cry over this. What was the point? She had felt more pain and loss than most. What would be the point if she cried for herself? She stopped caring about herself years ago. Harper lived solely for others. When she died there would be enough people crying... Harper would never choose to leave them. After everything, they needed each other. But this was just the end... It was inevitable.

"You look too lost in your own head..." It was Vince. Harper looked up, startled and surprised, "I am..." She shrugged, "I'm dying..." Vince sat down next to her, sighing, "Yeah.. I'm sorry about that." Harper almost laughed, "It's nothing new to me... I think I've been dying since they put me in that Maze. They're just postponing it... Waiting until the time is right. Assuring there's more casualties." The man shifted, "We're going to get them... In the end, they will burn.. They'll pay for everything." Harper did laugh this time, "Assuming there's anyone left in the end..." She shook her head, "I won't be here for that." Vince looked at her sadly, "I've had enough of people looking at me like that. Look at me. I'm not going to last long..." Even now she felt things in her head. Everything was just a little fuzzy. Vince only put his hand on the girl's shoulder and disappeared back to the others.

Harper wondered how long she could stay up here. Maybe the others would forget her and no one would get hurt when she was gone. She scoffed. They would never forget her. Even if she wanted them to. They were loyal to the end. More loyal than even her. "You've been up here for hours... We didn't want to bother you but now we're a little worried. You aren't going crazy on us are you?" Harper smiled slightly; only Minho could joke about this and make her feel okay. But she could tell the joke hurt him... "Not yet," She looked up at him with a genuine smile, "I'll let you know when I am..." Minho stroked her hair, "Come on," he took her hand and pulled her up, "Frypan made stew. I think that's something we all need." Frypan's stew... Harper never thought she would miss that. She stood up and followed Minho, not letting go of his hand. Harper even missed Gally's disgusting drink. Harper even missed Gally....

Harper looked down the mountain, Newt and Thomas immediately perked up, rising to their feet as they waited to greet her again. Minho squeezed her shoulder as he helped her sit. Thomas wrapped his arm around his sister protectively, kissing her head once, "Hey," his voice was sad, "How are you?" Harper groaned, sliding out from under his arm, "It's only been a few hours. I'm still here." She was getting tired of the guilt and pity already. Newt squeezed her hand, smiling sadly. The smile was enough; it said more than anything the others had said to her.