Wednesday, April 25th 2007

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Nineteen days after your funeral.

I apologized to Penny in the morning. I had decided to be more honest. Deep down, I knew she was right and she was just looking out for me because I couldn't seem to do it myself.

She just shook her head at my apology and I almost slumped, but she said, “Nothing to apologize for. We were grieving. We still are.”

“Doesn't make it right for me to lash out.”

“It doesn't. But I understand. I know you, Roo. I know what you're doing and I don't want that for you anymore.”

When I didn't say anything, she added, “Just think about it.”

I wondered again if this was what you'd felt like on the days we'd been together. If you came home to me because I was always the one with open arms.

Then, later, surging into me was the unbridled relief. You asked me once what my gift was and I think I was wrong to tell you about the photographic memory, because right then in front of me, I knew what my gift was.

And it was the people who gave a shit about me even when I didn't.

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