Bowstrings & Velvet (Spellbound #1)

Chapter 21: More

Shae stared at her husband in silence for a moment, unsure what to make of his appearance in her bedchamber. Standing from the low stool at her vanity where Dywana had helped her get ready for the night, she wrapped her dressing gown tighter around herself. Her long auburn hair had been brushed until it shone, but she still ran her hands through it nervously. Felix paced the floor, still not wearing a shirt, his hair on end.

"You wanted to talk," she prompted when he said nothing.

Stopping in his tracks to look at her, he took a deep breath. "Yes, I..." He faltered, seemingly unsure of what to say. "I had this all rehearsed in my head. But now that I'm here, I can't remember a word." A wry smile touched his lips.

Moving over to sit on the edge of the bed, she made sure her robe covered her properly before crossing her legs and looking up at him. "You didn't need to come over here," she mumbled while smoothing imagined creases out of the bedsheets with her hand.

"I wanted to make sure you're all right." He took a few hesitant steps towards her. "I don't like how we left things. You were clearly upset about something, and I never want to be the reason for your upset."

She felt like her heart might break. He was always so considerate of her feelings. Always had been, even during their first meeting. He was the only one who had cared to ask her what she wanted. Their situation was not one she would have chosen had she truly had a choice, but she'd gone along with the arranged marriage, and Felix had tried to make it as easy for her as possible. Agreeing to a marriage of convenience, and respecting her wishes on everything about their life together. Making sure she was, if not happy, at least content.

If she was honest with herself, he was probably a better husband than a lot of other men, even if she wasn't the most important woman in his life. He spent a lot of time away from her because of his duties as High King, but it was a separation she had allowed rather than taking an active part herself. And he was a wonderful father to their son. It was one of the reasons she loved him.

She sat a little straighter. No! No, she didn't love him. Couldn't love him! But once the thought had taken form, she could not dispel it. She loved her husband, whether she wanted to or not. Despite the walls she had built around herself since the loss of her family, Felix had nestled himself inside and refused to leave. Vaguely, she registered that he was talking to her, but she wasn't listening. Surely he could not tell how she felt by looking at her?

Slowly braiding her hair, she tried to keep her hands occupied. Were they shaking? She flexed her fingers before looking back at Felix, who stood a few feet away staring at her, and she realised he had indeed said something earlier.

"Shae?" He frowned. "Are you listening?"

"No," she admitted.

He let out a little huff before dragging his hand through his hair. His green eyes met hers. "I just want to know why you left."

"Oh. I..." She stood, wrapping her arms around her chest as she considered what to tell him. "It's all just going too fast."

"That's fair. We can... We can slow down."

She almost laughed at his willingness to slow down. How much slower could they be, considering they had been married nearly three years? Was she a fool to protect her heart as much as she had? Especially when the barricade had already been breached. She already loved him. Whether he loved someone else or not didn't diminish how she felt.

"As long as it's not because of Isobel." His words sent an icy shiver down her spine, and her eyes flew to his. He must have read the truth in her face because his lips pressed together into a thin line.