alexithymia
subclinical phenomenon involving a lack of emotional awareness or, more specifically, difficulty in identifying and describing feelings and in distinguishing feelings from the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
. . .
"𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨...
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. . .
chenle pov.
i was about to go insane
every move reminded me of her, from the furniture to even the way our members talked, it kept reminding me of that stupid girl.
why won't she just leave my head?
it's annoying
i hate it
fiddling with the card around my neck, another frustrated sigh left my lips. i was detached from the current chaos in front of me, their nonstop nagging and complaining, cutting people off mid explanation because they thought theirs were better
it's been a mess, everything's been a mess.
taeyong yelled at anyone who stepped foot into his office and xiaojun had criticised everyone's ideas that having questions became a burden. it was going so well...until she left
she was never part of our gang to begin with, but everyone had considered her as part of us. betrayal was hurtful when you've only just started to trust.
but my reaction was different from everyone else's
i felt dead inside, empty, hopeless. i saw nothing but black and whites and my heart ached for some type of provocation. i was yearning for that sweet taste of adrenaline she brought to my veins or that feeling of warmth whenever her lips pulled up into a smile
i missed it so much
"jisung" i took the younger boy by the arm
"huh?" he didn't even get to react before i dragged him towards the exit of the base, towards were all our vehicles are parked...below the floor that it is. i grabbed my key off the hook before the shelves slid to a close, pressing a button to wait for my motorbike to rise from the floor.
"where are you goi-"
"break it" i deadpanned
"what?" jisung looked bewildered, eyeing me like the groups constant arguing has finally gotten to me
"i said break it" i now looked at jisung, my eyes holding such intensity that if someone disobeyed, it was as if i would burn them alive.
"i'm not going to break your bike! i have brain cells!" jisung flung his arms around, ultimately crossing them over
"jisung" i gave the bike a kick "break it"
jisung's arms slipped out of its folded position, his jaw hanging open.
"really?" he gulped.
"for the last time, break it" i grunted, giving it another kick, harder this time. jisung glanced from me to the bike, nodding slowly before giving it a sloppy kick
