alexithymia
subclinical phenomenon involving a lack of emotional awareness or, more specifically, difficulty in identifying and describing feelings and in distinguishing feelings from the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
. . .
"𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨...
"an unfinished story isn't a story, it's just a beginning"
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. . .
"she left" taeyongs hand remained on the folder he had handed to her yesterday, without a signature.
a single sticky note sat on top of it
i'm sorry
"she left?" the 19 voices said simultaneously, excluding chenle.
"guys look" jisung came scrambling towards the large group, a black briefcase in hand. without a single second of hesitation, he clicked the case open, revealing all 21 of the key cards fitted neatly into their own, respective slots
another sticky note sat astray on the pile of glass
count this as a farewell gift
jeno gently took the glass keycard in his hand, his eyes glossing over with gratitude "she finished them...all of them"
the room buzzed with silent murmurs, each and every one of them crowding around the case to search for their own keycard
but winwins voice shattered their whispers
"but...why?"
perhaps that was the question everyone was asking
ONE DAY AGO...
it wasn't that she didn't want to stay, it was that she was willing to be selfish for a moment in her life. with her half drunken beverage, her eyes tailed the snowflakes that mounded so effortlessly with the ground
although she was unique, it was about time she joined her normal life; just like the crowd
selfishness was something she had lacked every since involving herself in NCT. she was risking every bone in her body to try and help a group of strangers that emitted nothing but danger. as much as she felt this type of bond between this bunch of people, that bond was wrong; that bond was going to get her killed.
in a matter of a short two months, she had become both a prey and a murder witness. she didn't want to live that life...a life full of maybes. she liked having her life set out like words typed onto a sheet of paper: unchangeable.
it was like that period of her life was just the red pen that was scribbled over every assessment, it was a merely just a pause. when that paused drags on, it becomes intertwined with reality.
she likes to think she lives in reality, not the amendment of it.
but that period of her life she felt like the world was under her grasps, she felt powerful, filled with undying hope. it was a rush of adrenaline everytime they set out for a mission and that energy brought her joy. it was a joy that no school, nothing she used to do, could replace. it was almost magical, not in the sense of a fairytale, in fact she felt as if she was actually doing more than existing
