alexithymia
subclinical phenomenon involving a lack of emotional awareness or, more specifically, difficulty in identifying and describing feelings and in distinguishing feelings from the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
. . .
"𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨...
"his eyes held the whole universe but she was just a mere galaxy"
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. . .
"how did you manage to get blood everywhere?" mark asked with concern painted across his face as they rushed towards the van. luckily, the emergency exit door was away from majority of the students, therefore leaving an escape route for them.
"well you see. this guy held a knife to chenles throat and i was trying to communicate with him through my eyebrows and he clearly didn't get the message-" hyejin began only to be cut off by a rough voice
"i walked into a knife" chenle deadpanned, kun rushing to him as soon as he stepped foot into the van. mark looked bewildered, but oddly not surprised.
this gave the hint that this wasn't the first time it had happened.
kun instructed chenle to unwrap his neck, revealing the bloodied slit.
"you need to stop doing these things" kun let out an exasperated sigh "you'll get yourself killed one day"
"death isn't one of my concerns" chenles eyes stared straight ahead of him, feeling the soothing coldness on his neck as a cloth was lightly dabbed onto his skin.
"it should be" kun grasped the cloth firmer as if to try and release his anger. that same line over and over again, he's heard it a copious amounts of times.
death isn't one of my concerns
it was the same learn recited by chenle everytime he had gotten an injury and came to kun. and he told chenle the same thing every time
it should be
he was getting frustrated, almost tired of chenles constant demeanour. as much as he had alexithymia, it was hard for someone who was both a friend and a guardian to him to let chenle have such disturbing thoughts.
chenle was young, free, capable.
but too much capability only led to danger
hyejin watched the two silently treat chenles wound, hyejin getting her own bruises checked out by doyoung.
"chenles always in these type of messes" doyoung sighed, nothing her consistent gaze on chenle
"has no one told him to stop?" she turned back to doyoung who's eyes were glued to cut across her wrist
"we have, countless times. chenle doesn't find danger" he locked eyes with hyejin "danger finds him"
she remained quiet. the more chenles hurts himself the more she feels this clenching feeling in her heart, wanting to do something about it. but there was simply no bandaid that was near big enough to cover the hole in his heart.
