Impenetrable Heart | Lams College AU

Carry You

     A/N- *TW*!!! There another vague description of attempted suicide in this chapter, so if you are sensitive please take care of yourself and skip over! I put in **'s right before and after so if you still want to read you have a warning. Also, if you're coming from my Instagram, you may recognize a certain phrase from a comic of mine. I used that as a reference from this story, it was the same overall concept.

     ...

    "Listen, you guys, I know I said I like fire and all, but it wasn't me,"

     The group all chuckled as Herc very seriously made his case regarding the house fire. They were out on the back porch, enjoying what was said to be the last decent night of the year before the bitter cold air rolled in. It had been a few days since the ordeal, and things still seemed hard to wrap their minds around, the smell of smoke in the air and on their clothes some of the only grim reminders of the things they had lost. John laughed now too, though it felt more in vain recently than before. For the first time in a long time, John had to face the harsh reality that was his demons. Up until this point in his life, he used the comforts of alcohol or drugs to chase them away, but following the recent events, they seemed to crawl back in and hide in the shadow of his mind. He knew he needed to face them.

     But the last time he tried, they almost killed him.

     It was still easier to smile and laugh, to enjoy his time with friends but when the curtains closed and all was said and done, memories and thoughts began to haunt him. A very specific memory, in fact, one he never thought he would have to reface. But like most other things, he buried it, long enough to get a taste of the normal life.

     "Anything special planned for the night, gents?" Alex asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. John snorted, which quickly turned into a coughing fit.

     "I think John has answered your question," Laf remarked over John.

     "Ha, *cough* ha."

     "Cabin fever, Alex?" Herc asked. Alex shrugged.

     "It's the last night for a while we can go out, I thought we could all stand to get out and do something, you know?"

     "I must admit," Laf said, leaning against the railing. "It has been a while since we went out."

     "Probably because it usually ends horribly," John laughed after managing to control his coughing. "You guys can go out, I'm good."

     The other three stared at John as if he'd grown a second head, and it took him a moment to understand why. The rowdiest, most party-obsessed guy of the group just actively turned down a night on the town for the first time in years. So naturally, Laf and Herc looked at him with such surprise anyone else would assume he actually had grown another head. Alex, on the other hand, looked more content with the answer.

     "Lots of people are against me right now," he explained. "I see the wrong group of people in public, things could get nasty, and I'd rather not have another reason for everyone to hate me."

     They frowned, seemingly uncomfortable with the last point John made. They didn't disagree though, because they all knew it was true. People were against him, people he didn't even know, for more reasons than he could count on one hand. Later that night Herc and Laf decided to go out by themselves, while Alex stayed behind to finish schoolwork and John to do his own thing. At first, he had just gone to the room to take a nap, but after an hour of tossing and turning, he decided enough was enough.

     "Oh my god, it's alive," Alex chuckled from his place at the kitchen counter. He peered at John from his place in front of his laptop.

     "Hardly," he huffed, plopping onto the couch. "Say, where did Herc and Laf go anyway?"