Impenetrable Heart | Lams College AU

Refuge

      A/N- This chapter is AGAIN named about a song and does sorta base itself on it, It's called Refuge (Outro) by Canyon City so if you want to listen to it, now would be a good time I suppose. It doesn't have many lyrics, so don't worry about those messing you up. Another song I listened to that I think really reflects John's character in this story is I am Not a Robot by Marina and the Diamonds. Like, just the lyrics in general I feel. I know there are some animatics to the song on the internet for Hamilton, but... anywho enjoy the chapter!! 

     ALSO! The beautiful art for this chapter was made by Artistic-Tin-Can (@artistic.tin.can on Instagram) and it's honestly so gorgeous and AH! Go check them out (they're one of my all time favorite artists!)

     ...

     Alex sat silently on the couch, glancing at the clock periodically. 

     Three a.m.

     Four a.m.

     Finally, when it rolled around to five the back door slowly crept open. Laf and Herc sat in the chairs across from him, and they all gave each other knowing looks of what was about to go down. He stood up, meeting John's eyes with the nastiest glare he could muster as he shuffled into the living room.

     "Listen, give me a chance to explain all this-"

     "Oh, wow, so now you know me, huh?" Alex snapped. "How utterly convenient for you."

     "Alex, don't do this," John said quietly. "Come on."

     "John, why? We thought-" Laf began, but John cut him off angrily.

     "Don't start that, don't you dare start that, Laf."

     "Start what? You go missing in the middle of the night after how long? I thought you were past this!" Alex yelled, feeling the heat rise in his face. John narrowed his eyes.

     "You think you know everything, huh? You think that you can come along and fix me in one night?"

     Alex's mouth fell open. "I never said that-"

     "No, but that's what you meant. That's what you want, isn't it? I'm here trying to explain myself and you all try convincing me I was supposed to be 'fixed', because that's how this all works, right?" With every question, John's voice rose to such a point even Alex was afraid.

     "What could defend this? You had us all worried sick! What could possibly justify this?" Alex shot back. John laughed, which not only caught Alex off guard but Laf and Herc too it seemed.

     "That's funny. That's really fucking funny, Alex." His voice shot up suddenly, making Alex jump. You don't think I don't see what I'm doing to you? You don't think it breaks my heart seeing how disappointed you all are of me? How much hell I put them through all these years?!" He gestured to Laf and Herc, who stood silently in the corner, then continued.

     "I told you the first time we met not to try fixing me," his voice broke, and Alex could see the tears welling up in his eyes. "I told you to stay out before I hurt you, and you didn't listen. Now, look where we are."

     "Did none of this mean anything, then?" Alex said, throwing his hands up. "Did any of this mean anything to you? Or was this some sort of clever trick to get us off your back?! Because I'm having a hard time telling!"

     John stopped, looking at Alex with a look of both surprise and hurt.

     "You think I lied? You really think I lied about this?" John shouted, become angry again. Alex scoffed, then said something he knew he didn't mean.