Feysand fanfic

Chapter 33

My hair was being blown by wind before I even landed, the cold frigid air freezing my fingertips as I plopped onto the soft snow. I crumbled to the ground, ignoring the snow which puddled around my legs, seeping in through my thin layer of Illyrian leathers. I wrapped my arms across my stomach and sobbed; leaning forward so my brow touched the cold snow. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this, I knew damn well the possibilities of what could have happened when I made the decision to sacrifice myself. I didn't know what was going to happen, not exactly but I knew I would change. I didn't expect myself to turn into the darkness, to even be saved, and in the whole mess I had forgotten about my promise with Rhys. I had forgotten that I was a mother. What type of a mother does that to her child, sacrifices themselves before their first birthday? But...but my family was safe, and they could yell at me all they want but, they were safe. And- and I would do it all again as long as I knew that they lived to fight another day. And I think that's what scared me, still scares me, the knowledge that I would be willing to sacrifice everything for my family, for my mate, for my son who I love more than I have ever loved anything, for my people. I understand why Rhys did it; his dead body still wakes me up at night, makes me cling to him a little more on certain days, and I'm suddenly filled with guilt that I added another nightmare to Rhys head. Something else to haunt his dreams at night, it was bad enough that he still cried when he remembered my neck snapping under the mountains. I still hadn't asked him what had happened the days I was gone. I couldn't imagine what he went through. I don't know how I could have gotten through it, knowing that Rhys was out there somewhere, and I couldn't find him; the feeling of helplessness.

The snow around me hit my cheeks harder, my own ice powers reacting to my feelings. The wind was still gusting behind me and I looked up for a second to find that I was at the cabin. I asked my powers to take me somewhere safe, it took me here. I let out a small choked laugh and struggled to get up. I needed to figure this out, I needed to get this under control before I hurt someone, even myself.

My eyes blurry and my tears frozen to my face I put my hands in front of me, pushing up from the ground. As I did, strong hands touched my back and I knew who it was, I knew who's comfort I leaned into before I even finished standing on shaky legs. "Hey" he said as I began to sob against his chest, he kissed the top of my head and rubbed soothing circles along my back. He didn't say anything about the freezing weather, the only sign that he was cold was the fact that his wings were nowhere to be seen. But he stayed and he was silent as he let me sort out my thoughts, and after what felt like hours, when my tears became nothing more but sniffles and his body warmth warmed my core, I pulled back into reality. He must have put a protection around us because it wasn't just his body warmth warming me. The wind was no longer ruffling my hair, but as I looked around us, I realized we were trapped in pure darkness, darkness radiating off of me, and not from my night court powers.

I took a step back "Rhys- "

"look at yourself Feyre"

I clenched my shaking hands, control I needed to control it before it got out of hand. But the black swirled around us fast and I panicked.

"Feyre" Rhys said, harder this time, he grabbed my face with both his hands and the warmth and familiarity in the gesture calmed my beating heart enough for me to take a breath. I looked into his violet eyes. Another breath. I looked at the sharp angles of his face, his lips. Another breath, in through my nose out through my mouth. He didn't flinch, he hadn't faltered the whole time I was crying into his chest, he wasn't scared of my new powers, or whatever this was. He trusted me, trusted me to damn much that I wouldn't hurt him.

"You are in control" he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He motioned to the calming storm of darkness, parallel to my calming heart.

"Whatever this is reacts to you, you are in control of how far you let this go Feyre. And maybe you can learn to use it, to your advantage Feyre. But one thing I know for sure is that we will figure this out together, whatever this is, not alone. You aren't alone Feyre."