The Bubble Reviews 2.0 (ON HIATUS)

Sky_is_limit review : The Progress

Book name: The Progress

Author : rykimchi

Reviewer: sky_is_limit

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Note from reviewer: Hi! So, you asked me to focus on plot development, character development, and enjoyment. I still touched base on other things such as grammar and a brief mention of title, cover, and blurb. I tried to be as clear as possible, but I'll always take questions!

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Title/cover/blurb:

The title matches perfectly. It fits the theme of the story. The cover seems a little exclusive. It seems more like it's about one character than three. I feel like your blurb lacks a bit. Again, it seems exclusive because only Stephanie and Park seem like the main focuses of the story when they aren't.

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Grammar:

The grammar isn't bad, but I did notice inconsistencies. Occasionally, sentence structure was off meaning there were fragments. For example, "Once we were done. We went..." The example before should be one sentence separated by a comma. Speaking of, some sentences lacked commas which typically separate clauses and provide the natural pauses needed in reading. Without them, readers may need to reread to properly understand.

I noticed that dialogue was sometimes incorrectly punctuated so I recommend reading up on dialogue rules, but it's nothing major! Also, be careful of your tenses. For the most part, it was good, but there were areas that switched from past to present. Overall, the grammar is fine, just a few things to look out for.

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Plot Development's (focus):

Okay. So, we'll call chapter one the overall introduction. Personally, I found it to move very fast. It felt a bit like readers weren't properly eased into the story and overall plot. We were kind of thrust into it. The reasons for them being there were brief and I felt there may have needed to be more to round up the points. Why were the parents so quick to leave? Their goodbye was quick and kind of passed over and I felt some more could have been done there.

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Actual plot:

There's essentially a lack of explanation for what the camp is. A director comes up and gives this short and quick explanation then all the characters are okay with it? While this is fiction, I believe some sense of realism needs to be present. None of the characters rightfully questioned why the camp basically sent them to their deaths, they all just went with it. I can't properly picture anybody being so open to something where they're thrust into survival.

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Romance sub-plot:

I think it's way too early for possible romances. The characters have barely spoken before they're talking about soft lips and hair. To me, it doesn't make sense because they don't even know each other. You can be attracted to someone, fine, but venturing the possible ideas of a relationship seems a little too early for me. In my opinion, each time a character thinks of another's physical attributes, it doesn't come at the right time. The romance sub-genre seems like it's forced rather than natural.

But I do find the idea unique. I've personally never read anything like it so I would go as far as to say your plot is creative and original. These characters have been sent to this place and now they need to make the most of it. I also love the twist you've given (I won't spoil it though).

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Character Development (focus):

The MC's first impressions are extremely lackluster. Us readers don't get a sense of who your characters really are. So far, I have no actual idea of how the characters look. The description is essential. Face claims are okay to have, but they shouldn't take away from your writing. All I know about Park is he has a strong jawline and he's Asian. Santiago is Latino and has a slight accent. Stephanie is white and I have no idea about Becky. Adding details will help nail how readers view characters.

Generally, there's a lack of description overall. When you write, you often want to apply to the five senses: touch, sight, smell, hear, and taste. I have a really hard time seeing where the characters are and imagining the setting and them. There are also times where the characters confuse me. For example, Santiago randomly mentions Steph has nice eyebrows then talks about Park. I was confused about why he thought that and why he compared Steph and Park, it didn't really fit the situation.

Their personalities are quite distinguishable though. You've done well in separating each character through their actions and the way they talk. Well done there.

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Overall enjoyment (focus):

So, I found myself enjoying the story. I wanted to know what would happen next. Even if it kept me interested, that doesn't take away the questions I have about the plot and characters. I do think you have an amazing idea present, but I believe the implementation should be a little more tight and smooth.

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Advice:

Make character reactions realistic. Why are none of them more surprised or worried about being there? Why did they just go along with it without asking more questions? Read each chapter and think from a readers perspective. Can you really picture what's written or can there be more to help round out those descriptions? It would also help to see how you can write in character details without info-dumping or adding it in randomly.

Overall, I think you have an amazing idea. With a little look through and tightening some of those sentences and descriptions, it can be amazing.

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Let's thank the fabulous sky_is_limit for her fantstic and quick review ! We hope her client is happy with this; this is officially the first review of the book since it opened! Good job!