The Bubble Reviews 2.0 (ON HIATUS)

Sky_is_limit review: Wilton High Series; New Girl

Book name: Wilton High Series; New Girl

Author: KaraCavallari
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Reviewer: sky_is_limit

Hey there! You wanted me to focus on plot, dialogue, character development, and overall enjoyment. As always, I do touch on everything else!

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Title/Plot/Blurb

I don't think you have a bad title. Personally, it's not something that's appealing to me, but it relates to the story 100%. The semi-colon in the title isn't used properly. The cover is okay. I do think it could be a bit more focused, but it's not bad. A lot of people will find it interesting and eye-catching. I do like that the title is easy to see and read so that's a plus. Your blurb needs a lot of work. There's not really anything there and while it's obvious what the story is about, it's still not telling enough in my opinion. If I was a normal reader, I wouldn't read further because I don't have a proper grasp of the story and there are grammar mistakes in the blurb.

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Grammar (focus)

The dialogue was something you wanted me to focus on and I'll put some here pertaining to grammar.

Okay, dialogue. Your dialogue isn't done correctly at all. The punctuation is typically wrong and sometimes there's no punctuation anywhere. When writing dialogue, with tags such as told, said, asked, etc. you use commas unless an exclamation point or question mark is used. Afterward, the following pronoun is typically lowercase. If there's an action that follows the dialogue, then a period is used and the pronouns are uppercase. I notice you always use periods even with speaking tags. For me, the periods aren't distracting because dialogue can be a hassle to keep up with. It's the lack of any punctuation that distracts me and hurts the readability.

In the first chapter, I noticed you lacked spaces after sentences. After reading one comment, I assumed it was to show how she's typing quickly due to nervousness and lack of time. But reading further, the rest of the chapter still lacked spaces. It was mainly in the first chapter, but I did occasionally notice it in other chapters that I read. I think it really ruins the pace and hurts the readability because it's distracting.

Quickly, I want to also point out that the message she sent in the first chapter needs an indication that she's online. It was confusing for a moment because I thought that was how the story was formatted completely. There was also one time in a later chapter where some italicized bits were a little messed up. It caught the last word of a sentence and a new sentence, so that's a small formatting issue to see to.