The Bubble Reviews 2.0 (ON HIATUS)

Sky_is_limit review: Blood Sucker

Book: Blood Sucker

Author: lovechild777

Reviewer: sky_is_limit

Hey there! So, you wanted me to focus on plot, pace, writing style, characters, and grammar. You also wanted me to be as harsh as possible. I'll only be as harsh as I need to be, promise. I don't do it on purpose XP. Of course, I'll focus on other things like the title and stuff.

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Title/Cover/Blurb: 

Surprisingly, your story was the second to pop up when I search the title. I'm surprised because there were a lot of other stories with the title or a variation of the title. For uniqueness, I'll have to say it's very unoriginal and could be better. I see how it relates to a story about vampires, but I don't see how it relates to the overall story.

Your cover isn't very hooking to me. I don't really look at it and want to read it. I like that there's a girl on the cover because I assume she represents Alicia. You've also got a vampire on the cover, but I'm not a fan of the blending nor the title colors. I feel like things could be just a bit more cohesive.

I have some issues with your blurb. It describes that Alicia goes to the hottest parties, but she gets upset at her friend for going to parties. I think you're headed in a good overall direction with your blurb, but a good chunk of it is rhetorical questions which I feel can be replaced with more context. I think it does have the chops to be hooking, it just needs some tightening.

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Grammar (focus): 

Grammar and writing style were points you wanted me to focus on. I want to quickly say that kudos to you for proper dialogue and punctuation usage. Though it can be changed up every once in a while so there's not so many speaking tags.

Okay, sometimes you had things that disrupt the readability. By that, I mean that sentences would appear just a bit choppy when read. For example, when Mason was removing Vera's dress, the sentence was '...hastily undid the zip of her dress...' To tighten up that sentence, it could have been '...hastily unzipped her dress...' Instead of the previous wording. There's just a bunch of extra words shoved in that makes the structure a bit funky and weird.

Sometimes, I feel sentences were overly described or long. In one sentence, so much would be shoved in and I couldn't help but think that it could easily be split into two separate sentences. Though things are split by commas, it doesn't mean that the structure is any better. I Ould just watch out for that because I noticed that happening a few times. This next thing is kind of a big deal, kind of not. Ellipses weren't always properly used. I believe in either chapter eight, nine, or ten, an ellipse was formatted with only two periods. Ellipses are three to be proper and depending on where you live, a space should be after them, or before and after.