bleeding tears

Confusion

Beca's POV:

Voices surrounded me but they seemed to be all mixed up. When they started to get louder and clearer I noticed myself becoming more and more conscious. "Come on, open your eyes for me", I heard a voice saying. I knew this voice but I couldn't assign it. The voice paused. I blinked several times as I tried opening my eyes. At first my sight was blurry but then I realized I was looking right into Doctor Beale's face and a smile formed on her lips. "Glad you're back", she managed to say sweetly while I caught myself getting lost in her eyes. Doctor Hunt interrupted the moment without intention. "The litter is there", the man signaled and got up from the floor.

Chloe's POV:

Carefully I gripped her head and got up as well. Now my hands wandered from her head to her armpits. Owen grabbed her feet.

Together we picked her up and back down onto the litter. We transported her back to her room. When she was lying in bed again I took the courage to ask what she was planning on doing. Doctor Hunt had been paged for an emergency in the ER so it was just her and me.

"I wanted to run...", she began. "But Miss Mitchell your body is so weak, how did you think this would work? You need a new heart in order to keep living and here, in a hospital, is your only chance to get that", I restated the problem while sitting next to her on the bed. "First of all, please call me Beca and no there will never be a transplant in time", she raised her voice on the second part of the sentence, "I don't want to die lying in this bed nor spend my last days here!"
I felt so sorry for her. She was suffering, not only physically.

"Okay...Beca...I understand, but you can't lose hope right now. You have to hold on, you have to fight", I motivated her. My hand rested on top of hers and our eyes met. Nobody dared to say a word. Tension was building between us. How it had to be, Arizona popped into my mind. I pulled my hand away, however I wasn't able to break the eye contact. "I have lots of things to do", I finally managed to get out of my mouth as I stood up. "Oh, of course", the brunette responded awkwardly and waved, "see you."
With fast steps I walked towards the door. "I'm Chloe", I pointed out with a catchy smile on my face, "but pssst." I put my index finger on my lips before I headed out of the door.

The day passed slowly, as if in slow-motion. I didn't have any outstanding cases or operations, only some little things. I had been avoiding Arizona since this morning, since this thing with Beca. I felt bad in some way. But Beca was special, I couldn't tell what it was that was so special about her, but there was something and it was impossible for me to ignore. Maybe it was her hands, or her eyes, or her hair, or her smile. Maybe it was everything.

"Ginger", Meredith tapped on my shoulder and got me out of my thoughts. "Huh", I burst out and turned to her. "Could you take over my night shift today? Derek has to stay here too and I have no one to watch after the kids", she pleaded. "Sure", I promised her without any hesitation. She just was one of my best friends and has done a lot for me so I couldn't and didn't want to refuse her request.

At night the hospital was pretty quiet, the only thing that wasn't was the ER. Emergencies come in 24/7.

The sun was setting and I sat in a chair in the attending's room and took a bite of my toast I had brought from home. Now and then someone came in and then left again. "Here you are, are you ready to go?", Arizona asked in surprise since I was still sitting there in my work clothes. "No I'm staying", I replied coldly, taking another bite of my toast. "How do you mean you are staying?", the blonde wondered and I noticed her disappointment in the tone of her voice. "Have to take Grey's shift", I kept explaining harshly not even looking up to her. "Well okay, goodnight then", she said in response. "Goodnight", I mumbled back, hardly audible. She pressed a kiss against my forehead before she left.

What was wrong with me? I didn't mean to be so dismissive towards her even if I had been avoiding her the whole day. I really loved her.
I finished my toast and rubbed the crumbs off my clothes.
I had to get Beca out of my head, but how?

Hey,
how do you like it so far? :)