Realized

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟾

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 8- 𝑨 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒆?

𝟽:𝟺𝟻 𝙿𝙼 𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙽𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝

"Ry yesterday was...a mess." I sigh. "It was so fun at first my day started off amazing, I came to see you I went to get food and stuff for the get-together and it was smooth for the first couple hours. But then he came and everything went to shit. He brought up what happened. It happened two years ago though so I thought it was behind me but I guess not."

I feel ashamed because that's not me, I was at my lowest point. He knew that though but he decided to throw it in my face anyway. "He thinks I'm weak and he didn't fail to laugh either. It's crazy because I was planning on forgiving him. I was going to talk it out and see why he was acting like that but after what Tammy told me I just-. I just can't see myself being friends with someone like him." And apparently, he can't see himself being friends with someone like me either. I think to myself bitterly.

I just don't understand, if he felt this way then why continue to be my friend. It's quite literally the first thing people notice about me so if he doesn't like it why stay? I'm done dwelling in it though. He's not worth my time nor energy.

"On a lighter more embarrassing note, they asked who took my virginity." I laugh lightly. "They almost flipped when the found out how long ago it was too." I continue to laugh a little bit harder this time. "Do you think they'll judge me if they find out how it went? I mean I'll tell them eventually but I just need to find the right time cause this isn't something you just say."

Maybe I'm making it deeper than it needs to be but still, it's important to me. Like always I grab onto Ryan's hand and rub circles with my thumb just admiring his face. How is he still this handsome?

It's not fair ya know? Ryan has never been ugly so when we were in middle school transitioning into high school and everyone was glo-ing up I assumed he couldn't get better.

I was so wrong.

Me, on the other hand, I was fugly. I had braces my hair was always in a tired ass ponytail it was just sad. I guess something snapped in my head one day and I was like what the fuck is wrong with me because the first day of freshman year I was looking one hundred percent better.

At least I thought so until my model of a best friend graced me with his presence then I felt average again. But it's okay cause he's nice to look at. For a while, I zoned out just thinking of memories between him and me.

I laugh, "You remember when someone asked me out freshman year and you flipped out?" he was so mad for whatever reason. Literally called dude a bum for no reason I was just in shock because all he did was breathe.

I ended up saying no anyway. Not because of Ryan but because I didn't want to date anyone at that time anyway. My first boyfriend was in junior year of high school, his name was Will. We dated for about eleven months and for all those eleven months Ryan hated him all the way through.

I don't know why though I asked him and he told me he just didn't like people whose name started with a W. I knew then that he wasn't going to tell me the truth so I left it alone. Out of nowhere Will broke up with me and started dating some girl that hated me because I won homecoming queen while I was a freshman and she was a junior.

Petty, I know. I never thought I'd be on the end of some stupid drama like that, I didn't even sign myself up for homecoming court but I was too busy to take myself off so I ended up staying on.

Anyways when Will broke up with me Ryan had yet another reason to hate the guy. But surprisingly I wasn't mad. I guess because I never really loved him and I knew I didn't see myself with him in the long run. I was more relieved than anything. So thank you Gina and I hope you're out there enjoying him somewhere.