Tonight is one of the nights that are the hardest. I noticed I wont be smelling baby lotion at night, or hearing the loud cries. I wont have the scent of new baby filling my nostrils, only a lonely empty spot in my room where a crib should be. I wont have shadow boxes of tiny hands and feet, a hospital wristband, and a going home outfit. Instead only an outfit and a name. An acknowledgment of my tiny baby. Why? Why me? Why me God, or whoever the hell is up there to listen? El has brought such a joy into my life but that does not diminish the pain. I still have the urge to look at baby stuff, to buy all of it. I still have the urge to look up nursery ideas on Pinterest when I honestly have no use for it. I have gotten a DM that asked me "Why dont you just try again if you want a baby so bad". The ignorance hit me hard. Ellington wasnt planned, but loved. I'm a teenager so I can't just "try again". I dont want A baby I want MY baby. My El. My Ellington. My joy. Even if I do ever get pregnant again, El will still be a part of me. They may have been here for only a short time but they left a HUGE impression on my life. I always try to look at the positives in life and I've been telling you guys about them so I will keep doing that.
-My other cat now has 4 kittens. (Yes we are running a zoo apparently)
-I've decided what I wanted to do about dating and relationships. (Coming in another chapter)
-We are doing poetry in my English class
-I have officially finished my CPR classes and I am now CPR certified (something I wanted to do when I learned I was pregnant with El)
-I have over 150 reads! What the heck, that's crazy. I love you guys!!
YOU ARE READING
Missing Your Miscarriage
Non-FictionTW: This is the story of how I am coping with the loss of my beautiful Ellington Rae. I am sharing my story to spread awareness that this could happen to anyone, anywhere. I hope you take the time to read this and I hope I can help you find some pea...
