Janto - One shots -Time will heal all wounds.

Hidden Secrets

Jack POV

I finally have it. I have wanted it since I first found out about it. I need to understand Ianto better and maybe if I read this diary then I will finally understand what goes on in that big brain of his. I love him and that isn't going to change because of what I find in here but maybe I can see what happens under that three-piece suit of his. I settle down and begin to read, knowing full well that Ianto is in the archives filing and sorting so he won't come out of there for hours unless somebody asks for something but I pull up the CCTV on my computer screen anyway so I can see if he decides to leave. As I read more, I begin to see how much he hides from us but also from me. I know more than most people, but I know he still hasn't told me everything. Like how I haven't told him everything because somethings are just better if they aren't said. A tear trickles down my face as I read one particular part. If there is no Lisa, then there is no point in life. How could I have betrayed her by falling in love with her murderer. I just want to die. I never knew he felt that way. I never knew he thought about ending it. I never knew he actually loved me there and then. I guess I knew he felt lonely and out of sorts after Lisa, but I never knew it got this bad. It appears that there are a lot of things that I don't know about Ianto Jones. If I had known it had gotten this bad. I would have done so much more. I would have visited more, made him talk more and I would have made sure he knew he was loved and appreciated here, and he always will be. I guess I need to learn to read Ianto better. It's like his secret skill. He can read everybody else yet nobody else can read him. He never displays emotions really, but I guess I always put it down to him being a private person. Well he isn't a private person to me from now on. I need to know what goes on in his head. I can't lose him. I won't lose him. As I finish reading the whole of the diary. I know what I need to do. Ianto needs me to show that I am committed to him... to us. So, I decided to pour my heart onto the page like Ianto does. He needs to know what I feel. Maybe if I can't tell him to his face. Maybe I can tell him this way. Without having to look directly look at him. He makes me feel safe, so I need to make him feel safe, loved and appreciated.

Ianto POV

I was frantically looking everywhere but I couldn't find it. If Jack reads it then there will be trouble. Because well we haven't really admitted how we feel to each other and I don't really want to get into all of that just yet, but I know once I have looked everywhere exactly where my diary is. I don't think he realises just how much of that diary contains him. Not always as the subject matter but most of the time he is. Because he is always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I am doing, he is always there. It's nice, almost comforting; he makes me feel safe again.

Jack POV

Out of the corner of my eye I see Ianto scurrying around. He is looking for his diary. Having looked everywhere else he makes his way to my office. This is going to be more fun than I first realised.

As he enters the office, I hold his diary up like a prized possession and begin to speak. 'I found your diary.'

'Yep been looking for that.' Ianto says almost snatching it from my hand. He can't even look at me. I always thought he looked cute when he is embarrassed.

He begins to leave my office as I say, 'And for the record... Measuring tapes never lie.' I can see him visibly cringe and whisper something under his breath, probably some welsh that I won't understand.

Ianto POV

I open my diary praying that Jack hasn't read everything in it. If he has read it then I am actually going to kill me. I mean it this time. I flick through the pages and see no obvious signs that he has read it until I come to my last entry from three days before. It seems strange that I haven't written in it for the past 48 hours. Normally, I always write in it. It became a coping mechanism when I was younger and felt like I couldn't talk to anybody. I was never the most like kid and my sister was always the special and most adored one, so I rarely got my parent's attention. I turn over the page to see Jack's scrawly cursive handwriting. He has almost filled two pages and there are tear stains smudging the writing on the page. They can't be Jack's tears, can they? But if they aren't Jack's then whose are, they? Jack barely ever cries. And when he does it over something emotional and meaningful not over some silly note in a diary to make fun of his colleague.

My tears begin to mingle with Jack's as I read what he has written. Maybe I underestimated how Jack felt about me... about us. I can't actually believe he has written this.

Ianto,

I want to thank you for always loving me through my darkest days and being patient with me through thick and thin. All I can do is think about you. You complete me. I thought my life was complete, happy and full before I knew you. But you came into my life and changed that. I honestly don't know how I've gone my whole life without you in it. I never knew what real happiness was until now. I can't wait for our future together. Yes, I'm looking forward to the big things, like kids, but I'm mostly looking forward to the small things. Like cuddling up and watching bond movies together, holding your hand whilst we walking around the bay, getting into cute little arguments about who needs to go shopping or who cooks better, taking care of you and cheering you up when you are sick or have had a bad day, getting lost in your deep blue eyes for hours on end and falling asleep with you wrapped up in my arms. So no, it's not going to be easy, what is with us. It's going to be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you... because I need you. I want all of you with all of your quirks and kinks forever and always.

With love,

Captain Jack Harkness Xx