Janto - One shots -Time will heal all wounds.

The Year That Never Happened

Jack POV

I wake up again. He has probably killed me again like he always does. I have lost count of the number of times he has killed me. My vision begins to clear as I fully remember where I am. I'm chained to a wall in a navy blue shirt with a grey undershirt and black slacks. It's the same thing I have worn for the past year. It's not like he would let me just get changed. I suppose it adds to the torture. My eyes begin to look onto the floor. I have purposely avoided looking there because I know what my eyes will see. Ianto lying dead on the floor. His eyes are still open which allows me to see the pain and torture in his eyes. The master has killed me many times, but I would have died a thousand times over if it would have just saved him. If it would have saved my lover, my soul mate, my best friend. He had so many hopes and dreams. He had given so many of them up for me and now he has given up his life for me. He gave up wanting to be a dad and buying an actual house with a white fence and keeping chickens in the back garden. He deserved that sort of life, but I knew, and he knew, we could never have that sort of life with Torchwood, but I knew he didn't want to give up Torchwood and I hope he didn't want to give up me. It was Torchwood that brought us together, it was what made us. Well... Us. And now he has died for me so he can never have that life with anyone. I just want this to end. I have never wanted to die so much ever. I thought I wanted to when Estelle died. But no. I never ever loved anymore, and I never will. Because I love Ianto and because I never want to hurt another human again not the way I hurt him. I begin to cry again. I just want this to be over. I just want the master to find a way to kill me. I thought by now he would have found a way to kill me. Maybe he just enjoys the fun of killing me several times a day. I begin to realise I'm being too nice maybe if I was annoying, he would try to kill me, so I begin to scream. Suddenly I feel some arms wrapped around me. I begin to scream more. I can't see whose arms are around me and that is terrifying. I feel a soothing hand through my hair. I close my eyes and when I open them. I realise I am back in Ianto's flat in the bed with him holding onto me. I stop screaming soon realising that I am fine and safe and in Ianto's warm grip. He keeps rubbing my head and talking in those long welsh vowels I love. It must be so hard for him. I knew this would take a toll on me, but I never wanted it to take a toll on him. Never. It must be strange for him. Me having dreams of something that never happened. I don't want to burden him anymore. This. Us needs to be over. I can't punish him anymore; he has suffered enough.

Ianto POV

I woke up to him thrashing and screaming again. I wrap my arms around him, and he begins to scream more so I try to stroke his head to see if he will come back to me. Come back to reality. This happens almost every night. I find it so hard because I don't know what he has gone through and he won't tell me. I know it sounds selfish. I don't want to be selfish. He needs me now more than ever. I know a little something about the year that never happened, but he thinks that if he tells me he is burdening me. Which he isn't. I love him and he deserves to be happy and if that means that we have to share stuff that we think might 'burden' each other then so be it. I just want to know what is happening in that head of his. It crushes me; he has never been the same since that year. He hasn't smiled at me once. Well he has, but not his proper Jack smile. Just with his fake smile. His, if I smile like this then people will think I am okay smile. Not his I am flirting with every living organism in existence. I want my Jack back. I need my Jack back. My Jack would sneak back down to archives just so he could watch me work and stand behind me and wait for me to notice. Then we would stand and hug for what felt like hours before I would make him leave the room so he could go and finish off the paperwork I asked for weeks ago. My Jack would smile when he saw me in one of his favourite suits, like how I would smile when he wore the suspenders, I got him for his birthday. He hasn't worn them since he got back. Then he would smile when he saw I had brought him coffee in the red mug I got him to commemorate my red suits. Now he barely thanks me when I bring him coffee, it's like he doesn't want to notice that I am there because the memory is too painful. I don't want any old Jack back. I need my Jack back. It's like part of me is missing. He is my everything my soul mate. I need that back. I feel like I'm half dead inside.

Jack wriggles out of my embrace and sits on the end of the bed before speaking. 'We need to stop this. I can't burden you anymore.'

I can see how upset and angry he looks but I think he knows how upset I am. 'Jack you're not burdening me because you aren't telling me anything. In order to burden me we have to have an actual conversation about what happened to you.'

'I... can't tell you... because... that would be burdening you.' He stammers out. He looks terrified. I don't think I have ever seen him this terrified.

'Jack... I'm not leaving you. I am never ever going to leave you. Certainly, not because of this we have been through too much together. You... you are my... boyfriend... my soulmate... my best friend.' I can feel my own voice getting shaky as I try to hold back tears. Jack just sat there taken aback for a moment. I guess he is in shock as much as I am. I mean we had never labelled what we had. 'We are going to make it through this together whether you chose to tell me or not. Because I love you and you are not going to go through this alone whether you like it or not, I'm not leaving you. I am never ever going to leave you. Because some people are worth getting your heart broken for.' Tears are now flowing down our face.

'Seriously Ianto you can go, I'm damaged goods and I'm not worth getting your heart broken for.' He says, not even able to look at me anymore.

'Not worth it! I Love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I don't think I will ever love a person as much as I love you! If I wanted to go, I would have gone when you first got back would I? I would have waited. I wouldn't have dragged out the agony for you.' He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. 'Is that how little you think of me?' I spit out my words almost disgusted that I can even imagine him thinking that. I calm down and recollect myself. I place my hand under his chin, so he has to look at me. I need to know he understands me. I need to know that he is taking in what I am saying because I need you. I breathe deeply. 'You may think that you are damaged but what you think is damaged I think is beautiful. Your imperfections make you perfect to me. Because they make you different from every other person on this planet and in this universe. I love you Captain Jack Harkness and that is never going to change no matter how hard I try because us, this is a fixed point. Just like you are. If you are a fixed point in time, then our love is a fixed point in time. And as you keep saying fixed points can't be changed.'

'I love you too Jones, Ianto Jones. Why don't we give this... us... boyfriends... relationship... a go? Like an actual go with dates and moonlit walk around the bay. I will be honest with you and you can be honest with me.' Jack begins to cry into my arms. As he starts to explain some stuff about the year that never happened. I begin to understand why he never told me. But I don't want us to have secrets. Everybody has kinks in a relationship some are just bigger than others. As he falls asleep in my arms. I think he finally understands. I will love him until the end of this universe and beyond. And that will never ever change.