Sensuality

V - 2

Exhausted we both fall onto the mattress.

For a moment we don't touch, which is a foreign feeling to me now. My hands automatically search for his. When I finally find it it isn't enough and I roll over press my body against his. My head on his chest goes up and down with his rapid breathing. My eyes are fixed on the nipple which is directly in my line of sight. The insatiable Incubus I am I raise my hand and start playing with it.

"Don't", Thomas moans, "I am too sore."

I grin. "Do you give up after just two rounds?", I say slightly disappointed.

"You are the only one I can actually go a second time with, so shut up", he fires back at me. Am I that good?

"Look who is swearing now", I make fun of him.

"Sorry", he says with a small voice. He reminds me a bit of Andrew.

"Don't be sorry about that. You can swear as much as you want in my presence", I say and raise my upper body to look at him. He looks at me as well with his other-worldly eyes.

"Did I ever tell you that you have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen?", I ask him still admiring his eyes.

"No, actually you didn't."

"Now you know", I move up a bit and give him a kiss.

I intended it to be a short one but he isn't having it. His hand locks around my neck and presses our lips together. I love it but I won't surrender too easily. I mean I would surrender to him every time, he just has to ask but not now. So I search for his nipple as squeeze it. Instantly he releases me.

I lie back down in my old position, head on his pecs, my legs entangled with his and just listen to his heartbeat. After a bit of comfortable silence I ask:

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know", he says and pauses for a moment. "Satisfied, happy, confused, angry, worried, ... confused", he has to chuckle.

"Why confused?"

"I think it is the classic battle between mind and heart."

"How so?"

"I feel so good with you around, better than I have ever felt before. You are kind and hot and ... I don't know. I would love to just lie with you here forever but there is so much I can't just ignore."

"For example that I was a prostitute?", I try to say without a sad undertone.

"Yes, for example. Also that you are an Incubus and that I have Angel. I hate not being in control and I literally can't control me right now. I am afraid to be with you but I can't live without you at the same time." I try not to let it sting so hard but that he said hurts.

"What are you afraid of?", I ask and wait. Thomas just rolls to the side so I fall off of him. But I don't let him go and snuggle up against him again as the big spoon. "Come on tell me?"

"You really have no idea what a storm you caused", he says which doesn't answer my question and just confuses me more. Then he speaks again: "When Angel's mother left me with Angel, I didn't know what to do. My parents had abanded me and now my fiancé. I was 20 with a baby and no support. The only thing I could rely on was my self-control and hard work. And it worked but then you come along and shatter my whole life. Because of you, I have to face me being gay. Because of you, I feel like I don't have control over anything anymore and ... I don't know how to gain it back."

Thomas is sobbing now. But I don't say anything, I just show him that I am with him by snuggling closer.

"I want to be with you. Really but I am scared of what will happen if I let you too close. What will happen to Angel if something goes wrong?", he sobs. There it is again. I think Angel is the one thing on his mind that is keeping him away from me.