Say Okay (ON HOLD)

Chapter 25

Harry’s pov 

When I put Trevor to bed I decided to have a shower then go to bed, because there was no point in waiting up for Amber to come home. She’d come her when she wanted to. Sometimes she wouldn’t come home for days. But I couldn’t do anything to stop her.

When I was in the shower washing my hair I heard the front door open. Surely it can’t be Amber I mean it’s not even midnight yet? After drying off and putting some sweats on I went into the bedroom that we shared and to my surprise I saw her sleeping peacefully in just a t-shirt and underwear. I guess she didn’t want to stay out any longer. But why? Could it be because of what I had said.Haha don’t think so.She never listens to me so why would she start paying attention to me now?

Maybe she’s showing you that she has a limit. Said that voice inside my head. God can’t I get a break for one night?

I watched Amber sleeping peacefully. How could she fall asleep so easy knowing that she blown off her own child to go clubbing? I couldn’t do that.

I guess that’s the difference between Amber and I. Our lifestyles are so different now. I’ve grown up knowing that I had to for Trevor’s sake. I couldn’t be the same guy I was five years ago. I needed to change, so I did.

Amber, well I guess she’s never going to grow up any time soon which is a shame. She’s missed out on so much in Trevor’s life it’s crazy. But I guess she wants it kept that way and I know that I can’t force her into doing something that she clearly wants to avoid for the rest of her life.

I wish that she was sometimes more like Esmea.

When I saw Esmea with Darcy this morning you could tell that she adored Darcy. I know this sounds harsh but in literally the five seconds that I saw Esmea was with Darcy, there was more interaction with the two than the interactions with Amber and Trevor in the whole time that Trevor has been alive for and that’s saying something.

Sure Amber and Trevor were in each other’s company when Trevor was a new born but the difference between Amber and Esmea is that Esmea has that sparkle in her eyes when she’s with Darcy and Amber doesn’t have that spark when she sees Trevor or when she talks about him which is very rare.

"Harry. “Amber mumbled looking at me with tired eyes.

"Yeah.”I asked sitting on the bed.

"I didn’t mean what I said before, you know what I said about Trevor. I was just so stressed out. “She said sitting up.

"That doesn’t take back what you said,you and I both know that you’re not cut out for this life, we both know that you don’t have the energy ."I replied.

"I’m sorry Harry. I don’t deserve someone like you.”He said, her lips quivering. I knew she was about to cry.

"Hey come here."I said pulling her into a hug. She rested her head in the crook of my neck before she started crying. “Babe its okay.You deserve the best in the world.” I said kissing her forehead.

"I don’t know how much of this I can take Harry. I know I’m sounding selfish but it’s so hard. I can’t keep doing this. “She said, shaking her head.

"You have to try please babe if not for Trevor than for me?” I asked.

I know yes I’m tired of this but like I said I don’t want to let Trevor down.

"I’ll try Harry but just don’t expect me to change overnight. “She said before pulling away.

"I know babe. I’m not going to pressure you into this. I just want to take one step at a time and see how it goes from there.” I said before kissing her cheek.