Say Okay (ON HOLD)

Chapter 32 Part 1

Esmea’s pov

"She left me Esmea she left me."He said quietly.

"I’m so sorry Harry.You didn’t deserve it."I said, still rubbing his back. He pulled away after a moment so that he could wipe the excess tears from under his eyes.

"I’m the one that should be sorry.You didn’t need to see this. It’s just I don’t know what to do. My life is a mess. “He said.

"No Harry don’t apologise to me.Your life isn’t a mess it’s just complicated at the moment.” I said.

"It’s just that I’ve always wanted to have the perfect family. I wanted Trevor to grow up with both biological parents. Seeming as I never did."

"Harry stop. It’s not your fault. No one can predict what will happen in the future.You and I both know that Anne didn’t plan on getting a divorcé when you were seven. And no one predicted Amber to leave you and Trevor."

"Yes it was. Can I tell you something? “He asked.

"Sure.” I replied, nervously.

"From the beginning Amber told me that she never wanted kids and I accepted that. We weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend, we were more as you could say it friends with benefits. We’re so similar in ways, the only difference was that she didn’t want kids and I did. We knew we were never going to take it any further. I know this might sound stupid and immature but she was just there. We just had sex with no feelings. But when Trevor happened everything changed. I had to grow up fast. I was excited to be a dad. Amber wasn’t. She wanted to have an abortion but I told her that we had to stick together. So we did and got married. She was hesitant about the idea because she didn’t want this at all. She wasn’t cut out for the parenting life and she still isn’t. Anyway we got married because I told her that I wanted Trevor to grow up with what you would call a normal family. Though we were far from that. “Harry said.

"Wow. “Was all I could say. I never knew about any of this. Then again why would. I didn’t want anything to do with him after the tour ended.

"Yeah you know what the worst part is.”He asked.

"Do I really want to know?"

"Probably not."

"Tell me anyway."

"Well Amber went away on a lot of "Business Trips”. He said air quoting the words business trip. I knew what that meant.

"Oh."

"Yeah well Trevor didn’t like the idea of his mum going away so often. Amber went out every other night. Trevor wanted his mum. Amber didn’t want to be a mum. She left me with Trevor a lot. The only time that they were with together was when she was pregnant other than that they hardly spent time together. Trevor cried sometimes because of her. So when she left Trevor blamed himself .He said that it was his fault for her leaving.You should have seen him Es. He was devastated so that’s why he wasn’t at school yesterday. She left yesterday night. The night before she promised that she would try to make things work. “He said, his voice cracking when he talked about Trevor. So that’s why Trevor wasn’t at school yesterday…. 

You could tell by the way that Harry talked about Trevor that he loved him with everything in his body. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spoils him like crazy.

"I’m so sorry Harry.” I said placing my head on his shoulder.

"No I’m the one that should be saying sorry to you."He said, resting his head on the top of my head.

"Why I don’t have anything to do with this situation.” I said sitting up straight.

"I remember. “Was all he said. Oh god.