Say Okay (ON HOLD)

Chapter 42 part 1

Esmea’s pov

“Guys let her breathe you’re all suffocating her.”Niall said to Perrie, Eleanor and Danielle.

“Leave us alone we haven’t seen her in years. Perrie said, resting her head in the crook of my neck. You’d expect them to be about five considering the way that they were acting, but I didn’t care.

“Eleanor, babe come here.”I heard Louis say.

“You can wait. “She said, hugging me even tighter, if that was even possible.

“Guys I’m not going anywhere.You can let me go.” I said, trying to breathe.

“No! That’s what you said last time and look how that turned not.”El said.

“I promise this time is different.” I said, rubbing her back, seeming as Danielle and Perrie had let go.

“I’ve missed you so much Ezy.”She cried, burying her head in the crook of my neck.

“I’ve missed you to Ellie.”

“Girls come inside. “Louis called, reluctantly Eleanor pulled back, but she linked arms with my before we made our way inside.

Eleanor and I have always been close, some would say we’re the female versions of Louis and Harry, like how close they are.

But according to Niall they haven’t been the same ever since I left. I would have thought that they had gotten over it and forgiven him, but apparently not.

What Harry did hurt, a lot, but the thing I don’t understand is why all the boys still have a grudge against him.

Once Eleanor and I made our way inside the memories all came flooding back like a tidal wave.

I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined the times we were all together, all of us, including Harry. The memories that were formed in this house never fails to make me smile.

“Louis can I talk to you privately?” I asked, once we made it into the kitchen where we all used to hang out in the morning.

“Sure. “He said, getting up off the couch.

We made our way out into the back yard before sitting down on the foldout chairs which were placed near Louis and El’s in ground pool.

“So what’s up? “He asked.

“Well first come give me a hug,” I said, holding out my arms.

Just like the girls, Louis pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

“Louis I can’t breathe.” I said, my voice muffled into his chest.

“Sorry.’ he said before releasing his hold on me.

“So what did you want to talk to me about? “He asked.

“I want to talk to you about Harry.” I said, crossing my legs.

“Umm okay.” he said.

“Niall told me that you guys blame him for my departure.” I said, taking a deep breath.

“That’s correct. “He said, confused.

“Why though. It wasn’t his fault.”

“Yes it was .He’s the reason why you left.”

“Louis like I told Niall t wasn’t Harry decision to leave. It was mine”

“But if Harry didn’t cheat on you, you would have left so technically it was his fault.”

“Harry’s actions made my decision a little easier to leave because you and I both knew that I couldn’t be around him, not back then anyway but it was me who booked the flights it was me who left without saying a proper goodbye so plus I made the decision to leave and shut you guys out. It wasn’t Harry’s fault.”

“He cheated on, he made you leave. If he didn’t cheat on you things would be different. We would have still stayed in contact. You and Harry could be married .We would all be here together, all of us including Harry. But he’s not here.”

“Louis I get what you’re saying but you can’t keep on blaming Harry for the rest of your life. All of that is in the past. We aren’t the same people as we were back then, we have all grown up.”

“I just can’t forgive him for what he did. He wasn’t the only who suffered when you left.You leaving took its toll on all of us, but it happened at different stages, but Eleanor and Harry had it bad. I guess we were all mad and still are, so we had to take it out on someone, so Harry being the cause of all the mess it was easy to hate him.”

“Harry knows he’s done wrong.Hes apologized to me so many times. He doesn’t need you and the rest of the guys to be on his case about it as well.” I said.

“I guess I never thought of it like that. “He said, I had now noticed that Louis had tears in his eyes.

“Louis, come here.”I said, before giving him a hug, resting my head in the crook of my neck.

“I’m so sorry. “He whispered.

“Louis don’t apologize to me, apologize to Harry, he’s the one that seems to be hurting the most.” I said, rubbing his back. After a few more minutes Louis pulled away, he wiped under his eyes with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Harry loves you so much. “Louis said, before standing up.

“I don’t think so.”I said, also standing up before taking a deep breath.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I love him but he doesn’t love me. I know. Something inside of me is telling me that he still does have some sort of feelings towards me, but I don’t think its love, it maybe sympathy or might just feel guilt.

“You need to hear him out, when we told him what happened he was frozen, I’ve never seen him so scared in my life. “Louis said.

“Louis that maybe so, but that still doesn’t change the fact that he hit me.”

“Esmea listen to what you are saying, you told me that I shouldn’t hate Harry.”

“Louis what happened between Harry and I is complexly different.”

“How is it different?”

“Louis he didn’t hit you. He hit me. How would you feel when the person you thought you never hurt you did? How would you feel if that one person you love so much that it hurts cheats on you with someone who used to be so close to you?”

“Wait, say that last bit again.”

“The cheating bit?”

“Yeah.”

“I said how would you feel if that one person you love so much that it hurts cheat on you with someone who used to be so close to you.”

“Who did he cheat on you with? “Louis asked.

“Oh umm….my cousin.” I said, quietly.

“Who Mikayla?”

“No, Tayla.”

“Does Harry know?”

“No he doesn’t.”

“He needs to know.”

“Louis...”

“What? “He asked, confused.

“There’s something else that I haven’t told you.”

“Oh god. Its bad isn’t it?”

“Kind of.” I said, rubbing my shoulder.

“Tell me.”

“I had a miscarriage.”