As The Sun Sets (Mi Amore #1)

05

I chose to run away from him. I left him there because I didn't know how to act.

You are such a disappointment, Kiarah. Why did I have to snap at him like that?! I didn't even mean that!

Or did I really mean it? Were those the words I wanted to say to him when he first saw my notes last Saturday?

I don't want anyone meddling with my life. If I smile at you and you think I'm not okay, then ignore it. Ignore me and ignore what I'm feeling. Hindi ko kailangan ng taong masasandalan. I don't need him to be there for me.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. I know I felt at peace with him, like he somehow brings me comfort, pero bakit ako nairita nang sabihin niya iyon?

Maybe it's because I don't want anyone to see my weaknesses. I don't want to be seen vulnerable.

Nang makarating ako sa bahay bandang alas nwebe, sinalubong kaagad ako ni Manang. I just told her kasama ko sina Tal at umakyat na. nadatnan ko si Hailey na prenteng nakahiga lamang sa kama ko pero nang mapansin na nakarating na ako ay agad siyang bumaba at tumakbo palapit sa 'kin. I played with her for a bit before getting her some snacks.

I did my evening rituals before laying on my bed which immediately made me extremely relaxed. I started scrolling through my social media nang maalala ko 'yung message ni Kiel sa instagram na hindi ko nareplayan kaya agad akong napaupo, binuksan ang instagram ko at madaliang binuksan ang message niya.

iancervantes_: cute mo do'n sa kinurot kita HAHAHAHA

That was his message earlier. I was about to reply when I realized that we didn't end today in good terms kaya ibinaba ko nalang ang phone ko. I'm sure he's angry at me for snapping at him like that.

I placed my phone on my chest while I caressed Hailey's fur and stared at my ceiling. What is wrong with me these days?

I was about to close my eyes when my phone beeped, signaling a notification.

iancervantes_: i'm sorry.

iancervantes_: i pushed the button and said something i shouldn't have. i'm really sorry.

Shit. What do I say? I can't say sorry to him! That is one thing in this world I won't say to him!

kiarahnicole_: it's okay

iancervantes_: ur not gonna admit ur mistake too?

kiarahnicole_: bakit? may mali ba akong ginawa?

iancervantes: wala hahshahaha sorry ulit

Some part of me knew I was wrong. That I shouldn't have said that. But the words couldn't form out of my mouth, they couldn't say sorry, much less admit to my mistake. Maybe he was just worried, or maybe he thought I needed some kind of assurance or love from other people, but the truth is, I really don't. I've had enough of people coming and leaving my life.

Hindi ko na siya nireplayan at hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin. I sighed. Why does my heart feel heavy when we're not even that close, enough for me to be this affected?

I was just about to close my eyes and drift off to wonderland when my phone continously kept giving me notifications. Irita ko itong binalingan at kinuha. Bumungad ang group chat namin sa research.

Fuck, I almost forgot about our research!

Kent: g na sa bahay namin bukas kaso pupunta pala bandmates ko dito, ayos lang ba 'yon leader dane hahahahaha

Dane: Okay lang 'yan, hindi naman siguro makakaabala.

Chloe: what do i bring ba? like need ba extra clothes or papers or what