As The Sun Sets (Mi Amore #1)

21

Unlike last summer, this one totally ripped me to pieces.

I might never return to how I used to be.

Mapait akong napangiti habang kinakain ang biniling pagkain para sa amin. I look dumb, right? Eating with tears streaming down my face.

My head hurt so bad from waiting for so long. My back aches from sitting at the same position for hours. My heart hurt because he's slowly drifting away from me.

He's never ditched me like this. Alam kong sa una pa lang ay hindi naman siya pumayag o nagreply, pero akala ko ay hindi niya naman matitiis na hindi ako puntahan.

I thought he'd come to me. That whenever I'd call, he'd be there.

"Kiel..." mahina kong sambit.

'Yeah?' I already heard his voice in my mind.

But he's not here. He's not here for his corny jokes and pick-up lines, he's not here to make me smile, he's not here to reassure me everything's going to be okay, he's not here to give me a tight hug.

I tried calling him twice...but he never picked up.

"He's just busy..." Pilit kong sinasabi sa sarili habang nililigpit ang mga gamit bandang alas otso y medya.

Magrereply siya mayamaya. He'll say sorry that he couldn't come here. He'll say he's busy with work and family. Ganoon naman ang mangyayari, hindi ba? Hindi ako no'n matitiis.

To Kiel:

uuwi na akoo

I'll be here again tomorrow! Hehe hintayin kita hahanap ako ng rason para makaalis ulitt

I love you <33

No matter how hard I tried not to let my tears fall...kusa pa rin silang lumalabas. Hindi ko mapigilan ang hikbi habang hawak sa kamay ang phone na kanina pa naghihintay ng reply o tawag sa kaniya.

It's okay. Everything will be okay, Kiarah. Malaki ang tiwala ko sa relasyon namin na hindi basta bastang matitibag dahil dito.

I wiped my tears and grabbed my things before leaving with puffy eyes.

He didn't reply to me that night. Umiyak ako halos buong gabi at hindi malaman kung anong gagawin.

If I go to their house uninvited, he'll just be angry for sure. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ayaw niya na akong kausapin gayong handa na akong sabihin sa kaniya ang lahat.

About how my brother died. How Miguel left.

Siguro hindi pa siya handa para pakinggan ako. I'll wait until he has an open mind to listen to me. 

We'd become so happy before that I didn't realize just how much pain this love will give me. Pero ayos lang naman iyon, hindi ba? I finally realized that just like what Tal told me...love is all about taking risks. Love is facing these challenges together. Love is about fighting together.

Is he still fighting with me, though?

"Kiel..." Wala sa sariling tawag ko sa kaniya nang gabing iyon. I called him several times on my phone, worried that something came up so he wasn't able to go...yet he still didn't pick up.

Nothing.

At the back of my mind, a small voice always told me something I didn't mind at first.

That the secret to happiness, is that it always doesn't last.

I suddenly wished I didn't wake up the next morning. 

'Grabe, 'yung mga taong nakakasalamuha mo talaga hindi mo alam kung ano meron sa kanila 'no? I can't believe she goes to the same school as me!'