As The Sun Sets (Mi Amore #1)

25

He's here.

He's right in front of me.

Wearing his favorite black hoodie and black shorts, his gold watch, his favorite pair of shoes. His hair's still in that messy state I loved softly caressing before and that soft expression of his...they all didn't change.

But I did.

We did.

Binitawan ko ang hawak niya sa akin at kumawala bago nagsimulang tumakbo paalis. I can't let these emotions get to me.

We aren't the same anymore. 4 years had already passed and we aren't together.

I smiled bitterly as I ran. Right. Why am I fawning over him when he abandoned me?

Where was he when I silently cried, waiting for him to hold me? Where was he when I called and texted for days, hoping he'd come to my embrace? Where was he when I needed assurance the most to tell me everything's going to be okay? Where was he with his big smiles and jokes just to try to make me feel better?

Nasaan siya nang mga panahong kailangan na kailangan ko ng taong masasandalan?

I laughed at myself. I was depending on him too much. Rather, I depend too much on the people I trust that it was no longer healthy to bet my whole life for them.

Sa huli, mag-isa nanaman lang ako.

"Kiarah!" Rinig kong tawag niya sa akin ngunit patuloy pa rin ako sa pagtakbo kahit nakakapagod at pinagtitingnan na ako sa loob ng mall.

Fuck. I don't even know where the exit is.

When I saw the stairs, I immediately ran and went to the ground level. Mabuti ay agad kong nakita ang mga papasok at palabas na mga tao kaya agad akong sumunod at nakihalo sa akin.

Don't look back, Kiarah. Don't even try to look back.

Ipapaliwanag ko nalang kay Mama na sa may kanto nalang ako nag-grocery. That it took me a while because I roamed around the bookstore.

"Kiarah!"

I don't use the name anymore. I hate that name.

Wala sa sariling napatakip ako sa tenga nang marinig siya na malapit na sa likod ko. I can already feel the people's stares at both of us like some crazy teenagers.

I forgot. We aren't teenagers anymore. I'm a grown ass 22 year-old.

I didn't mind the beads of sweat trickling down my face as I ran to find a jeepney. Pigilan ko man ang sarili na hindi lumingon ay kinakailangan para tingnan kung nasaan siya at kung nahabol niya ako.

Agad na nanlaki ang mata ko nang makitang makakalapit na siya sa akin dahil sa bilis niyang tumakbo.

Shit. Wala pang dumadaan na jeep papunta sa amin. Kailangan kong bilisan kundi mahahabol ako ng tuluyan. I have to think quick.

Nang muli akong lumingon sa likuran ay nakita kong malapit na siya sa may waiting shed kung nasaan ako ngayon. Nagpasalamat nalang ako na maraming tao dito at kahit na nakikipagsiksikan ako a ayos lamang para hindi niya ako makita.

My heart raced extremely. I didn't understand why he's here and how he found me here. It can't be a mere coincidence that he suddenly chose this as a summer spot, here of all places, hours and hours away from Manila?

Summer.

Almost as if there's a light bulb above my head, I immediately double-checked the month and date as quickly as I could on my phone.

April. That's right. It's summer! I don't really check the date every day because every day has been the same for 3 years. My body knew what it had to do that day and it did so without me thinking a lot about it.