GCR Drabbles

Through Their Eyes

Pain seen through some of my characters' eyes, and I might add some more perspectives later. This does contain suicidal thoughts and actions, so you have been warned. Please don't do that though. Love y'all~ <3

Cryptic.

I stare at Devotee from my perch in the clearing. My talons dig into the rock, and the longer I stare at him, the more I can feel my blood boil. Yet, I can't bring myself to tear my gaze away. No matter how many times I think of it, - and trust me when I say I think of it a lot - it always hurts, like throwing salt on a fresh wound. I miss him. I miss his touch, his laugh, his smile, everything. None of that is required to run a heavily wanted cult, so of course, all of that rarely shows up. Granted, if he shows any sort of carefreeness in front of the cult, they might view him as unserious or weak. I knew what I was getting into when I met him. I always wondered why he gave up on us even though he had given his reason. He had told me that he needed to focus on the cult, on pleasing his father. Was I not enough? Was there something wrong with me? Or... was he too scared? Thought we wouldn't last? There are times where I am unbearably angry at him. How dare he throw me away, push me aside? And when that anger passes, it is only replaced with the sadness and longing again. I opened my heart to him, only to have it crushed. There's also times where I want to lock myself up in a cave and question myself. How dare I fall in love with him? Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't I have actually caught feelings for Jasper instead? I am stupid for falling for Devotee. We were bound to grow up. I should've known better. My eyes finally blink and I see that Devotee is gone, having walked away to somewhere else in the clearing. It hurts so much. It gnaws at my chest, knowing that I had him once, and now he is no longer mine. No matter how much pain he puts me through though, I know deep down that I will always be beside him, even if I'm only in the back of his mind now. This is my life now. To serve as a pawn in his game, an asset in his organization, his lead mage in his cult. I am no longer his best friend. I am no longer his lover. We are no longer kids. I don't want to accept it, as it pains me too much to bear, but I know it's the truth. And while that is the truth, I also know that my heart will never stop beating for Devotee. I feel a tear land on my paw. I wipe my cheek and fly down into the clearing.

Edgar.

I always knew that if my son came back, - which seemed back then, impossible - he wouldn't be the same. It had been a little more than a decade since I had seen him. My reunion with him was no where near pleasant. It was very obvious that he didn't give a damn about who I was, or what I meant to him. Maybe Hell toughened him up. I imagine it would. He was stuck in there for a long time. He doesn't look the same. He looks... cruel and unloving. Not the Emperor I know and love. I know I should've looked after him better. My mind always run wild everyday with the thought of what could've happened if I had taken him and ran away from Daemon. Maybe he would still be alive. And after that thought, I always think of what a terrible mother I am. I let him think that he wasn't good enough. I couldn't protect him. I let him die. I remember one night, years ago, before I met that sweet boy, Amen, I had made a poisonous potion to take my own life. I miss them so much. I miss Dewdrop. I miss Azure. I miss Emperor, my Emperor, so much. I still do. I remember holding the vial in my claws. I remember lifting it up to my mouth. I remember shutting my eyes. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, and then I let it drop, letting the poison burn the grass instead. My eyes watch the moonlight pour into the den when the cloud covering it decides to drift on. With the new light, I direct my gaze to Amen and Serqet who were on the other side of the den. The two were laying closer to each other, slumbering peacefully. Just by looking at them, I feel some of my dark thoughts flee out of my mind. The two had brought so much light back into my life, and I have no idea how to repay them. I know one thing though. Even if I am practically old bones that shouldn't be walking the earth anymore, I will not make the same mistake twice. I will protect these two with my life. The Emperor in the living world now is no longer my son. With that final thought, I close my eyes and rest my head on my paws. My son died a long time ago.

Willow.

I shift closer to the crystal clear pond before me, savoring the scent of the willow tree that overhangs just near the body of water. One would think that Heaven is paradise, and in a way, it is. It's beautiful, but lonely. I inhale a sharp breath and dip a single talon into water and the surface ripples. Once the motion stops, the clear water shows what I want to look at. Arson and Ghost. My two beloved ones are cuddled in their home in the Lava Biome, and I can't help but smile down at the picture. They were so adorable together. I miss my love's warm touch so much. The longer I stare at him though, my mind flashes back to what happened to cause my death. He took my life. For a moment, I feel angry at him for robbing my chance to live, to cherish and raise our precious daughter, and the moment I feel that anger, it is replaced with dread. I felt angry at him, and it wasn't his fault. How dare I blame him? I see Ghost shift and snuggle closer to her father and it makes my heart wrench into my throat. I want that. I want it so badly. I want to cuddle up with them and shower them with my endless affection, to reassure my firecracker that I love him so much, to tell our little princess that I love her so much too. I never even got the chance to caress my daughter, and she never got the chance to see me. My heart lurches painfully again. A tear slides down my cheek and it lands on the pond's surface, causing it to ripple again. The picture showing Arson and Ghost are gone. My silent tears cause more ripples, and I sit there to weep quietly.