𝗷𝗲𝗿𝗸 - 𝗻𝗮 𝗷𝗮𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻

31

jenos pov

i was asleep, but i thought i heard crying. i heard it in my dream , so i didn't wake up. the cry's got louder and louder , until i woke up.  i looked around the room and see a figure sitting on the floor.

it was y/n. her face was red probably because of all the crying. her nose was also red. she was shaking. i've never seen her like this , and it really hurt.

she looked at me , and i looked at her. i couldn't help but to feel empty. i had no emotions. it was as if i had nothing . i'm happy for her , for jaemin, but i couldn't be happy. what was i supposed to do.

i heard y/n speak up , " j-jeno , what h-happened to y-you. why are you l-like this."

i ignored her question.

"talk to me , what's wrong." i heard her say, which pain my heart. she was a crying mess, and i may have showed her that it was hurting me seeing her like this. i brushed it away and looked at her with soulless eyes.

she kept asking me questions , and i kept ignoring her. i was tired of not her , but of myself. i cant say anything to her because i know i'll break down , and i don't want that to happen.

" go away y/n. leave me alone...... please. i don't want to talk....especially not to you right now" i said but whispered the last part. i'm guessing she heard the last part because she looked at me with wide eyes. she started crying. i made her cry. with MY words.

i decided to get up and leave her alone, but as soon as i tried walking away , i felt a sting on my wrist. i looked at my wrist , and completely forgot about what i did 1 week away. i regret it , but that's the only thing i thought of. i made eye contact with y/n , and she had anger and sadness in her eyes. i showed her no emotions and grabbed her wrist to make her let go of my wrist. i slowly put her hand down and let mine fall.

"jeno, what are you doing... why are you doing this. why are you hurting yourself" she yelled at me .

her hands were shaking , and i was the reason why she's like this.she fell to the floor . sobbing . because of me.

something took over me and the next thing i know is that i got the blade and threw it out the window. i didn't need it either way.

" y/n, i told you to leave me alone. i don't ever want to see you again. just go away." was the first thing that came out of my mouth. she was outside my room already , and i closed the door and locked it.

i could hear her screams from the bottom floor telling renjun to let her go. she was screaming and crying. i could hear it in her voice.

i heard her scream " what's happening to jeno , renjun. why is he like this" and that when i lost it.

i broke down. i couldn't keep my tears any longer , and i just let it go. it then hit me . " i told you to leave me alone . i dont ever want to see you again. go away". i told her something that destroyed her.

she deserves to stay happy. she deserves someone who treats her right. i should be happy for her.

i hurt her. i'm pushing her away. i started sobbing. i'm not a good bestfriend. that moment kept replaying in my head.

" i never want to see you again." " i never want to see you again." " i never want to see you again." that sentence. why did i say that. i just hurt someone i LOVE.

i was alone. i hurt y/n. i hurt renjun. i hurt jaemin.

i did everything wrong , and now i'm like this. i never wanted to be like this. she means the whole world to me , and seeing that i just hurt her made me want to punish myself.

i was still crying, and it was getting late. 5 hours had passed since i hurt y/n. my eyes felt heavy because of all the crying. i fell to sleep with one thought.

" i never want to see you again."