Critique Book Club

Batch 6: The Mafia Boss Wife

Bago simulan ang pagbabasa, lawakan muna ang pag-iisip. Maaaring may mabasa kang hindi magugustuhan ng iyong mata't damdamin, sana ay huwag mo gaanong dibdibin. Ang lahat ng nakasulat ay batay lamang sa kaalaman at opinyon ng iyong kritiko, sana ay may matutunan ka mula rito.

-JL

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Book Title: The Mafia Boss Wife
Author: Blyrie
Critique made by: yerriz

∞Title

The title is direct to the point. Yung wala ka nang tinatago pang pa keme sa title mo, like alam mo na agad na the story is about a Mafia, na ang bida ay isang Mafia/ asawa ng mafia. Well if kung maraming readers dito sa Wattpad na mahilig sa Mafia, it is your advantage kasi madaling malaman sa story mo na ang kwento ay tungkol sa Mafia.

∞Book Cover

This I can say, the book cover is really good. It caught my eye na, the first time I saw it. So thumbs up sa cover mo. Another thing kita rin ang connection nito sa story mo.

Blurb/Epilogue:

The blurb is okay. It is okay. But since may mga nabasa na kong critique from other people who I think have enough resources, nag iba na yung perspective ko sa blurb. Try to research what blurb really is and how it should be use in a book. Base sa isang nabasa ko, kung merong too much information, meron ding too little. But since it is your story it's all up to you pa rin.

∞Characterization:

First chapter pa lang marami na ang na- introduce na character, but no one has been attach to me. Like I just know their name and that's it. As a reader and a writer, I believe that introducing your character is important kasi doon maa-attach yung mga readers. You have to give them life, not just names. Gusto kong malaman how they react to something, how this person react to that and another person react to this. They should have distinct characteristics. May pinagkaiba-iba sila and be consistent sa ugali ni ganito at ugali ni ganyan. Suggest ko, kung hindi mo pa natry gumawa, gawa ka ng outline ng mga characters mo and list down their characteristics. Si Lynn ba, masungit, o jolly, o weird, basta dapat consistent yung ugali unless may nag trigger para mag bago yung pag arte niya. Additional lang, take note po sa pinagkaiba ng showing and telling. Sa mga story, readers ay na-attach when you show them your imagination. You don't just tell, you show. :))

∞Plot/Setting

As for the plot, hindi ko totally maki-critique ang plot mo since hindi ko naman ito natapos. But I assume na marami kang plot twist sa story na ito which is good because you have a lot to tell, but please don't forget to show. Sasabihin ko yung na notice ko from chapter 1-5, you're more on the telling side than showing. Remember, it is important for the writers to show to the readers how it happen, why it happen, what does it feel when it happen. Don't forget din to use the 5 senses, it is important na gamitin ang mga ito not just the seeing and hearing. It helps you show the story not tell.

∞Narration and Dialogues:

Just like what I've said show not tell. The Dialogues are not bad, pero connected to sa characterization. Kaya sabi ko you should know your character first, before us. Kasi ang mga tao may iba't ibang ugali. Hindi ka lang basta bato nang bato ng mga dialogues, dapat binabato yon ng mga characters mo kasi that's how they think, not because that's how you think. I hope you understand my point hehe. And additional pala, try not to be confuse sa use ng "nang" at "ng". Ako rin kasi madalas ma confuse rito hahahah.

∞Opinion as a READER:

Well, I can see na you have wild imagination base sa nabasa ko. Kasi you tend to think lot of plot twist na mapapatanong kami like, bakit yung mga anak ni Vhoune hindi niya hinahanap? Anak ba yon ni Vhoune or what? Tapos gusto ko rin yung part na, halos lahat ng makakasalubong niya, binabanggit yung "Lynn" it somehow include mystery like, "bakit nila siya kilala?" "Sino ba yung mga nakakasalubong niya?" The plot I think is good, pero yung showing talaga minsan nag la-lack. Honestly hindi kasi talaga ako palabasa ng mafia, pero yung nabasa ko naman yung sayo, okay siya. May nabubuong tanong sa isip ko. Good work po. More power sa atin. :))