I couldn't believe my eyes..
The once so strong woman that I had loved so much was standing in front of me as a version of herself that I could not recognize.
This wasn't the woman that I fell in love with.
Carrie has never been addicted to anything.. Sure she tried something, but never as much as this.
I couldn't help but feel if this was my fault..
I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at her.
"What? No kiss, baby?" And she leans in to give me a kiss.
I step back at the same time and Carrie falls over, right before my feet.
"Oh my god.. Are you okay?!" I panic, while I try to get her back up.
But Carrie isn't saying anything..
She gets on her knees and holds me by my legs, cuddling into them.
"Please Tina, I need you. Life without you, isn't a life worth living." She says, while crying uncontrollably.
I pull my fingers through her hair, while thinking of the right words to say.
She then tilts her head up, facing me with those beautiful big eyes.
The eyes that once reminded me of Bette.
"Come back home.."
Home.. Was being with Carrie ever a home? Or was I just projecting my love for Bette on Carrie.
I didn't love her like I love Bette, but I did love her and seeing her so vulnerable at my feet was breaking my heart.
At the same time, I knew that Bette would be very pissed if she knew that Carrie was here.
But didn't I owe it to Carrie to help her?
I looked into her helpless eyes that were screaming for my help.
"Come on, I will make you a cup of tea." I say, while softly stroking her cheek.
I walk towards the kitchen and Carrie shortly follows after.
"Blueberry tea? I know that this is your favorite."
She looks at me surprised, as if she didn't expect me to remember anything she loved.
"Yes.. Please.."
She then stares at the floor, making me feel sorry for her. But above all, I felt guilt.. So much fucking guilt..
My actions had led her to addiction.
This was all my fault..
She then grabs my hand and gives a small kiss on it, this made me see that the Carrie I knew was still in there. She was only hidden, but small parts of the woman that I used to know started to become visible again.
"Ti amo.."
I hadn't heard these words in so long and was a little taken aback by it.
"What the fuck are you doing here, junkie?"
Bette was standing in the room, looking more angry than ever. Carrie and I were startled, because neither of us had heard her come in.
But Junkie? How could she know this, without taking a good look at Carrie? All she could see from where she's standing, is her back.
I look at Bette confused and say "you knew..?"
"Ofcourse I fucking knew!" She yells, followed by tons of curse words.
Carrie was just helplessly standing next to me, unable to speak. I could tell that she wasn't strong enough to defend herself against Bette, so I had no choice but to do that for her.
"And you didn't think to fucking tell me?"
Bette then realizes that she should have told me. She knows how disrespectful her hiding things and lying is and these things often seemed to be second nature to Bette.
"I should go.." Carrie mumbles.
"Yeah you fucking should!" Bette is ready to help her get out of the house, but I stop her and Bette looks at me as if that was the ultimate betrayal.
But I didn't care..
Carrie needed my help and I was willing to give it to her.
No matter what the consequences might be.
