Suho and the sea

Thirty

When I come out from the toilet after washing my face, Junmyeon has set the table on the balcony just in time as for the door to get knocked three swift times. I open the door; "I can take it from here." And I tip him. I roll the trolly in and close the door on the curious man's face. Junmyeon went loose; he ordered almost everything on the menu. As I roll it out, he starts to lifts the lids; "Wow, it all looks so good." I laugh softly; "You a feeder?" I question: "What's that?" He asks as I frown at him; "Someone who feeds their women or men, sexual pleasure in watching someone eat." I shrug, and he gives me a look; "You had no idea who Exo is, but you know that." I shrug: "I studied sexual behaviors in school." And now Junmyeon looks at me oddly: "Why?" He says in a tone I cant interpret, and I shrug again: "Easiest class, oddly enough, the one class Lee and I didn't have together." That seemed to trigger Junmyeon. "What?" I ask as he appeared to be upset: "Did you have to talk about him?" He asks as he sits down and crosses his arms.

"What, it's not like you don't have a past," I say crossing my arms as I sit down opposite him, he frowns as he unfolds his arms and grabs two trays of the trolly and places them in front of us, and starts to open the bottle of white. "Don't you?" I ask again, and he looks at the bottle as he placed it on the table; "I've tried." He shrugged: "See, not so innocent." I gesture as I remove the protection of the tray to find pasta bolognese. "I have never loved anyone, though." He says as I pick up the cutlery. "Why not?" I ask as I start to dig in, "Because they haven't been you." I pout and put down the cutlery: "That's very cheesy, so excuse you." I say, and he chuckles: "No, I don't know, just never felt anything more than I think I should have, but that's why this is so important to me." He said and gestured between us.

"I have loved before, though," I say as I take the glass, he just filled with wine. "That's okay, I don't expect you to be innocent like that, but I need you too.." He starts and then sighs, "I don't know what love is, but all I know is that when I'm in the same room as you, I can't breathe." I feel my body heat up as he looks away; he looks like he's about to crack. "I forget to breathe, and When I'm with you, I just want time to stop." I blush: "I feel that too though, I've never been so confused, why you hated me." I say and smile weakly; "I could never hate you, I hated myself, because I thought I wasn't good enough, I'd go through fire for you." I blush more as I look him in the eyes: "And that my fine sir, must be love."

He rubs his eyes as he does an awkward laugh and watches me; "So feeling hopeless is what love feels like?" He asks as he now takes a sip of his wine; "Mm, hopeless happiness." He holds up his glass towards me, "To hopeless happiness." Our glasses collide so peacefully, and we both smile as the next chapter that shall come.

--------------------------------------------------------

We sit down in the sand, and feel Junmyeon sit down behind me, he makes sure I lean against him as we sit on the beach: "So does this mean we are dating now?" I ask him, "I thought it was obvious." I laugh as I turn my head to look up at him; "Is it though?" I question, and his lips press to my cheek: "Yah, I lied and took you back to the beach where we sort of already had our first date." He said as he tickled me, and I started to laugh.

"But we have to keep this a secret," I say, and the silence is deafening. "And tomorrow, it's back to reality, and Lee is waiting for you." I say, and he scoffs, "Why do you insist on bringing him up when you're with me." He questions: "Because it's better to have it out in the open, so there won't be any more confusion." I reply, and he sighs as he hugs me, tightly.

"Will, you ever tell me what happened?" Junmyeon finally asks I knew he might one day, but am I ready to tell him: "Which of it?" I say a feeling of swallowing seems hard as I try to clear my throat. "I got the part where Lee cheated and brought his mistress to the summer house, but there are more to it isn't there." Junmyeon asks me, and I shrug: "There was, and there is, but I don't want to ruin this, though." I say gently, "Lily, you left for like three months and left nothing behind for me to know what was going on, if that didn't ruin us, I don't think anything will." I push my feet more  into the sand, as the weather is colder than this summer, but the sand is still warm from the day.

"You sure you want to know?" I ask gently, "Yeah, everything about you, I want to know." I laugh softly; "I'll start from the beginning then." I say, feeling slightly more at ease. I tell him about how it was growing up, up till high school, and when I came to college, I sighed: "Is it getting to Lee now?" Junmyeon asks, "You can say that."

"Lee sort of won me, from my ex." I laugh, and Junmyeon makes me look at him; "How? how do you win someone?" I laugh again; "Lee and I had a connection, we just worked, and at the time I had a boyfriend, who could care less about me." I shrugged: "Did you cheat?" Junmyeon asked me in disbelief, "No." I say outraged: "We were friends, Kevin was there too, Min-ah, Misty even Callie." I say her name with disgust. "I don't even remember my ex's name; I had my eyes on Lee from the first year, but it wasn't until third year, we had classes together." I say and shrugs: "And I had moved on from my crush by then, and he got one, and in less than a month he knew me better than myself."

Junmyeon sighed: "You're easy to figure out, once you get a chance to be around you." He smiled; "So I get why he loves you." He says softly as I lean my head back and look down on me with warmth in his eyes.

"I don't know how many years we dated, but they started doing a challenge because Lee was tired seeing my ex treating me like I didn't exist and put me as collateral," I say with an odd smile, the memory is quite funny. "Up till a year and a half ago, I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him." I say, and those words hurt more than I expected them too, as a tear rolls down my cheek: "I tried to change jobs, I tried new things to get better, I was depressed, and I hated myself, I didn't want to be touched, and after I went to see a psychiatrist this last spring, I started to feel better wanting to be touched." I say gently as the tears rolled down my cheek.

"Lee thought I had become tired of him and was having an affair because I couldn't stand to be touched." I said: "I lied to him and told him I went away for work for a week, but Callie said I was getting surgery and hadn't left the city at all, hinting that I had an abortion." Junmyeon sighs, "I really can't stand Callie," He muttered, but as I don't say anything, "Did you, though?" He asks, and I shook my head; "There are other reasons you'll need surgery for, an abortion ain't one those, that's like a pill you take." I laughed weakly; "If you didn't want to be touched? Was in the hospital? depressed?" Junmyeon was calculating what it meant as he goes silent and starts to hug me tighter, I break entirely; "I'm sorry, that happened to you." He whispered, and for the first time in a long time, I feel okay that it happened, that someone can love someone like me, like this. I thought I was broken, but Junmyeon makes me feel like I'm not.