Suho and the sea

Fourteen

As we arrive back at the house. And Kyungsoo is pacing the front door: "Thank god you're back." I look at him, confused: "What's going on?" Jongin and I ask in unison: "Your boyfriend is here." Kyungsoo says sarcastically, and I get a feel of annoyance wash over me as I walk past Kyungsoo, mumbling out a lot of cuss words as rush through the large house. When I arrive at the living room, Lee sits there, and Lauren next to him, he looks uncomfortable at most. My eyes lock with Junmyeon, and he looks nervous too. "Callie told you?" I ask as he whips around: "That you are here, with all these men." This time to step between was Sehun: "And? Can't she be here?" He questioned, and Lee wasn't sure what to say next.

"And what is your excuse? bringing the girl, you fucked behind her back here?" Jongin asks loudly; they were all coming to my defense. Junmyeon comes to my side: "You okay?" He asks softly, and I nod: "I'm not sure what you are implying." Lauren said, turning her nose up: "I overheard the conversation you had on your phone the other day." She gasps: "I like that you think he loves you when he's begging Lily to take him back less than minutes later." He laughs, Jongin has a very charming laugh usually, but this laugh was more wicked. Also, now it seemed to sink into Lauren that I might have been telling the truth.

I watch Lee curiously: "That's a lie." Lauren yells, she's clearly uncertain about her words, but she still wants to believe her truth; "Excuse you, if you are going to start shouting, there is the door." Chanyeol says. She glares at him as she stands up and wants Lee to follow her: "You coming?" She asks when he doesn't reply, and she decides to storm off and push Chanyeol out of the way. And Lee seems to relax somewhat: "Why are you still here?" I ask Lee, "Can we talk?" He asked, and I roll my eyes, but I walk over to the back porch, knowing him following me. I can tell Jongin stops the others from following us.

"I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry for everything," Lee mutters as I narrow my eyes at him; "Why are you apologizing? You think apologizing is enough?" I ask as I watch him annoyed, "Misty told me, but you should have told me from the start, though." He mumbles.

"Tell you what? That I was raped? I was ashamed and felt distraught, and I hated myself for it.

And the way you're looking at me now is why I didn't tell anyone." He looks down before he looks up at me again: "I wouldn't have..." he muttered; "Stuck your dick in Lauren?" I question: "Something like that." He admitted. "But you did, you think I'd ever want you again after I'd find that out?" I asked him as he sighed: "I hated you when I heard you cheated.." He said, "But do you honestly think I'd ever cheat on you? we were planning forever together, Lee." I spit out: "No, I never thought you would." He says low rubbing his temples; "Then why didn't you ask me? why did you believe the worst?" I question, "Because you were too good to be true." He shouts out in frustration. "What?" I ask in disbelief: "Lily, just look around you. I'll always be just another option for you." He says, and that makes me angry; "Do you think I'm so fucking shallow that I'm keeping you around until I find something better?" I question: "Of course not." He says, trying to take my hands, I pull them away: "You used Lauren to get back at me, didn't you?" He doesn't say anything.

"So, you sabotaged our relationship because you were scared you'd come out as a loser?" I ask, and he leans against the railing and looks out towards the beach and sighs; "I hated the thought of you cheating, I couldn't believe it at first, but then you wouldn't let me touch you, you didn't want to be intimate with me, and you kept your phone secret." He said, and as I watch him, I can see he's crying; "When I heard that you had an abortion, I snapped." He confessed, "I could live never be intimate, not being able to touch you because I love you more than you'll ever know, I just... wanted to be with you." He cried, and I watch him, a part of me want to reach out to him, but up till five minutes ago, Lauren believed she'd end up with him, and honestly, the love I once had for him is close to gone.

"I never had one," I say, watching him, and he looks at me like his world just blew up. "I can't believe I was so stupid." I watch him; "Neither can I, I wouldn't let you see my phone because Misty was trying to get me to press charges, and on top of that I was also diagnosed with PTSD, and found it hard to even think about it." I say, and what I said must have been affecting him because Lee kept looking away from me when I spoke: "And I didn't want to be weak in front of you, I didn't want you to touch me because I was disgusted with the memory of my rapist." I said as he watches me, sad and red-eyed. He stays silent as he cries, and I can tell he's frustrated as well as sad: "Why couldn't you tell me?" I shrug, I have no good reason not to, but I just couldn't tell him, I was ashamed, to begin with, and I didn't want to be a victim and have that stamp on me, but it doesn't matter how far I run, I'll always be a victim of rape. I either own it or hide behind, and I wasn't sure which I could do.

I finally sigh and break the silence between us: "What do you want?" I ask as I don't even look at him now; "Can we start over?" I want to tell him, yes, but I'd be stupid to think that what was ruined was able to be salvaged, also I honestly don't think I want that either way: "You cheated because you felt like you had the right." I state: "I fucked up, out of jealousy." And I sigh again: "That don't give you any rights what so ever." He nods: "I know, I felt like it did, but it broke my heart because I just want you." He said, and I sigh, wrapping my arms around my chest and finally looked at him. "leave, and I'll think about it." I say as I turn around again, knowing that I will most likely not.

"Okay, I'll have them out of the house by Sunday... I can't force them to go now, and Callie won't leave trust me." He says: "No, on Sunday, she leaves with you." I report feeling completely numb.

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When I walk back inside and closes the doors behind me: "What happened?" Jongin asks, and my eyes find Junmyeon's, and he looks sad. "A bunch of crap, but I wonder if you'd stand having me around for a few more days?" Sehun jumps up: "Hell to the yehet." It makes me giggle, mostöly because I don't know what that means.

I think the emotions had covered my energy, because I suddenly felt exhausted and excuse myself, as I walk up the stairs I wish Junmyeon would follow me, but I think I might be asking for too much. We had barely spoken today, and if anything. I would have pulled away from a girl like me with such amount of drama. I sigh as I walk up for a bit. I am thankful, though, considering I get to crash at their mansion-eusqe house. I close the bedroom door and goes to lay down on the bed.

I must have fallen asleep because a knock on the door makes me jolt up. I look over and see Junmyeon stand at the door. He's smiling at me, and it's like he's waiting for me to allow him to enter. "You coming in or what?" I laugh softly as I stifle a yawn. He smiles wider as he closes the door and comes and sits down on the bed next to me. I am now sitting up, tucking my legs under me: "How are you feeling?" I sigh, but I still smile: "I just wanted a drama-free summer, so far, it's been nothing but drama." I giggle, and he chuckled as he reached out and rubbed my shoulder gently before his hand drops.

I lay on the bed, prop my pillows, and pat the bed for him to lay down next to me. He smiles as he does so, he lays on his side and watches me: "Can I ask something?" He says after a while silence. It wasn't awkward silences though we were both very content with being silent for the time being. But when he asks his first question, I simply nod. I can feel his body heat radiate towards me; we aren't laying so far away but not close either. But If I reach out, I'll touch him.

"Did you go on a date with Jongin?" He asked, and I look at him surprised: "No... he just keeps finding out all of my dark secrets." I laugh, but it's like a complaint too, but also it's the truth. But I didn't think that out of all of them, Jongin would be the one to know my deepest secrets.

"Really?" He said and looked surprised: "Why you ask?" I say and start playing with the corner of the pillow.

"Because of your date with Chanyeol." I had actually forgotten that had happened in the first place. I had kissed them both on the same night: "It's weird, and I'll be honest," I say, watching him: "this whole thing going on with Lee, and not ones have my mind asked itself about how Chanyeol is reacting." I say. And it goes fast as Junmyeon pulls me close and hugs me. Tightly. "In this mess, all I come out thinking... what does Junmyeon think now?" He whispers into my ear: "That means I have to be quick before I lose my shot." I laugh softly, watching his handsome face.

We've must have laid there for a bit as I hear Kyungsoo shout that dinner is ready. "Let's go down." I mumble, but Junmyeon holds me tighter when I try to move: "A few more seconds."