FORTUITOUS

29| Beauty And Folly Are Old Companions

CASPIAN

Selene Rosario Amante is the most complicated woman I've ever met. She appears to be tough but she's really delicate. She wants to be independent but she needs all the saving and care. She loves to piss people off but all she wants is attention.

Oftentimes, she's misunderstood. Her straightforwardness and bluntness was mistaken for being rude and disrespectful. She cares deeply but it was misunderstood as being nosy, controlling and forceful.

People failed her most of the time. And I am one of the many.

I knew that she's alone and desperate for attention.

She was fourteen when we met. Her mischief and tactlessness caught my attention. Her carefreeness and liberation was her charisma. Her lack of concern for the opinions of others and crazy antics took me by surprise. But it's the sadness in her smile and the depth of her words that captivated me. Something in her made me wants to take care of her.

It was curiosity at first. I wanted to know why someone like her, someone who seems to have everything on top of her palms, is having such heavy emotions within her eyes. She can get everything in a snap of her fingers, so what's lacking in her life?

As I knew her more, I realized that's she's lonely.  She's adventurous and she always crave for something fun and new because she wants to cover the hollowness within her. She wants to act immaturely and recklessly because she refuse to acknowledge everything that's lacking on her. She rarely took things seriously because if she does, she'll realize that she's alone and there are a lot of things that no matter how much she prayed for, she couldn't take hold of.

She's longing for her parents' attention. She's yearning for family bond. She's looking for the things that money can't buy. But she never voiced it out.

Whenever she wants something, she's strong enough to keep it to herself. She never asked for anything she can't get herself. If you won't give it to her, she'll just shrug it off then move on.

She has a perfect control of her contentment. It was easy for her to accept things that wasn't for her. Or that's wha she thinks. She's good at bottling up her frustrations and emotions. She's good at keeping everything to herself, to the point that everything leaves deep scars on her.

She was sixteen when we got into relationship. Slowly, she opened herself to me. I learned her insecurities, her deep desires, her little wishes, her regrets... all of her. And when she bared herself to me, I've fallen deeper for her.

I fell deeper and deeper to her strength and resilience. I fell for her tenacity and courage. I fell in love on her fierce persona. I love her impish side. I love her craziness. I love how spontaneous she could get. And I love how genuine she could love.

I love her so much that I can do everything that she asked me to do. I could die for her. I could kill to give her all the things she would as from me. Anything for the love of my life.

I love her more than anything in this world. But I am not as strong as her. I am not as brave as her to endure the pain life inflicted on me. I am not as faithful as her.

When I learned that our baby has been aborted, my world fell apart. And the first thing I did was to run away. I failed Sari. I didn't even ask for her explanation. All I understood that time was my pain. I let that pain eat me alive.

I left her during the time she needed me most.

And if that was as painful as death for me, what more it has been for her? I bet it was tenfold.

When she talked with Gianna, she never mentioned about the baby. She's the one who asked for forgiveness for what happened with Alice. When Gianna tried to say something about it, Sari cut her off. And I knew right there and then, that she's denying it to herself. She's fooling herself that it never happened. She treated it as a nightmare that never happened.