FORTUITOUS

27| To Love You Is To Set You Free

FRIGATE

"Why do you have these tattoos?" I asked Selene as I gently run my fingers on her inked skin.

Matagal ko nang gustong itanong kay Selene kung para saan ang mga maliliit na dahon na tattoo n'ya sa bandang ibaba ng dibdib n'ya at sa bandang tagiliran. May tatlo din na naligaw sa kaliwang braso n'ya. Wala silang nabubuong pattern at iba iba din ang layo nila sa isa't isa.

Selene took my forefinger then repeatedly run the tip over her tattoo on her abdomen. Kumunot ang noo ko nang maramdaman na may umbok na parang peklat iyon.

"Peklat?" I murmured.

Selene let go of my hand then took a deep breath. "I was in an accident four years ago." She gave me a sad smile. May itinuro s'yang maliliit na peklat sa bandang noo n'ya at mga braso. "These scars are almost not visible. You have to really look at it or feel it to know that they're on my skin. 'Yong mga malalaking sugat and real bad scars were permanently removed through an operation. Pinatanggal ni Mommy, pero hindi nalahat. Those na natira pa, those that didn't match my skin tone, I had it covered in tattoos."

"What accident?" I caressed her arm.

"Car accident. And I don't want to talk about it." She said with finality.

After we met Caspian, Selene became cold and she's always in deep thoughts. And today, she's starting to detach herself.

We just made love but I can not feel her presence. Parang ibang tao na s'ya.

"Frig, I have important things to do. Kailangan ko nang umuwi bukas." Selene said then turned her back on me.

Pakiramdam ko ay tumigil ang mundo ko. "Why? I thought we'll spend three months together? Wala pa nga tayong two months na magkasama."

"Ayoko na." Simpleng sagot n'ya.

"Huh?" I can feel a stab in my heart.

Ganoon na lang 'yon? Ayaw na n'ya?

Selene sighed. "Right from the start, you know that we're bound to be separated. Mapapaaga lang."

"Why?"

"I am meeting with Caspian in three days. I have something important to do."

Pagak na tumawa ako. Bumangon ako ng kama at matiim na tinignan ang likod n'ya. "Ano'ng importante? Makipagbalikan sa ex mo?"

"Think whatever you like to think. I don't have the responsibility to explain anything to you. And please stop acting like a jealous boyfriend. We're just travel buddies who found comfort in screwing each other."

That's it?

Sa inis ko ay tuluyan na akong umalis ng kama at hinagilap ko sa sahig ang sweatpants ko. I went out of the room. I'm sure that I'll make a fool out of myself if I stay any longer.

I can't keep my angry tears as I paced back and forth in the receiving area of our suite.

Alam ko naman na tama si Selene. She never committed herself to me. Ako ang tanga na nagmahal sa kanya. Umpisa pa lang, alam ko naman na aalis at aalis s'ya. She'll never stay.

Pero bakit hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na mahalin s'ya?

Fuck! I fell in love within a month. With someone who's barely a woman. With a girl that I know who will hurt me in the end.

I know that this will happen. Tama naman s'ya, pinaaga n'ya lang naman. Kaya bakit ako magagalit sa kanya.

I know that Selene will only hurt me in the end. And I still let myself fall, because I know she's worth the heartache. The painful end will be nothing compared to the happiness she filled me with on the times we're together.