"When you have to go through EVERYTHING, to get that EVERYTHING."
It's so hard to be someone when you're confused about who or what you're. Tarun is never 'Who' he thought he would be. He has a secret which he is claimed of hiding from everyone. Nei...
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I don't want to explain that to my kid...
I've been watching both of you too.
You boys should do all this inside your house.
She kept askingme about both of you...
I know what you're. You don't have to tell me.
What... what am I?
These words. They all start echoing inside my mind. I just can't throw them out. What that lady said and that man, it's too hard to tolerate. Praful knew, but she had all good intentions. And she is my friend now. But these strangers? How come I'll handle them?
When I said I hate this, I meant it. I've to explain that to Abhimanyu. I look at him. His hands griping the steering wheel, his finger tapping with the rhythm of the sound blowing up inside the car. "Youth" by Troye sivan playing on the radio. He is playing all these songs so I could think of something else, to divert my mind, but he doesn't know all I'm thinking right now is negative. I try to push the thoughts away. And try feeling the sound and trying to take in Abhimanyu's good looks, his smirky lips, straight nose, hard jaw line and I'm the only one who get to touch him, I'm never going to be tired of it. He hasn't shaved, that's why I can see his bread pricking out. How come I didn't notice it all day? He looks more attractive than ever before. This is normal. I like boys and it is normal. I love Abhimanyu and it is normal yet extraordinary because we fell for each other for all good reasons.
Abhimanyu is the only reason, where I don't want to hate this.
He must've sensed me looking at him, as he glance my way. He smiles, but it doesn't reach to his eyes. Abhimanyu is trying to be as composed as he can be. I just turn my head, watching out of the window. I don't want him to see me like this one more time, today was enough, the day at the locker room was enough but I think it's too late. Now he had seen me once again.
"Come on, Tarun. Tell me you are not thinking about them?" Car comes to a halt. Red light. Now, his full attention is on me.
I've to honest.
"I used to think I'm a homophobic. A gay boy who is a homophobic. That's why I hated myself." I tell him.
For a second, he didn't say anything. He takes his time replying to me and the light turns green, as we move ahead. As much as it's taking him time to reply, I'm thinking I shouldn't have said that. He lowers the volume.
And then, he speaks. "You're not homophobic. It's just these things are affecting you because of the society." I motion him to focus on driving but he wave it off.
"I think I didn't had much knowledge about it at all. So I used to keep thinking that I hate feeling like this. Attracted to boys. But with you, everything feels right."
