Everythingship!

Chapter One

TARUN

GAZING AT THE afternoon sky, I'm wondering about the sun. There are lot of clouds hanging around lately. Sun must be hiding behind them, forsaking itself.

These shapes are my favourite, all round, and round but no elevation, shape, and texture in particular like the one drawn in a child's painting.
Of course, Clouds are the best hiding spot for Sun. Is he afraid of something? I wonder but whenever the Sun shows up, it always looks so blinding, brilliant, powerful, and hangs so impossibly in the smoky sky—a perfect circle without strings and support.

I envy the Sun.

It looks like a cut-out which I know it isn’t. I’d paid enough attention to the science class to know it’s a fiery sphere, a yellow dwarf star, in the centre of our solar system and looks two dimensional.

The blinding sun makes me think of my Mom. Two months after my Dad's car wreak when he left us, long gone, gone, gone. . . forever. I still can't bring myself to believe it.

I am comparing my Mom to the Sun because I know she was the same: bright, brilliant and powerful. My mom has never been the same after my Dad's death. She is now left burning, screaming and weak from inside. Dad's death did that to her.

Rakesh, my Dad, has always walked a fine line between a parent and a friend for me. With the loss of my dad I have lost my friend and parent in him. Am I ready to lose one more parent too? I rarely see my mother's gleaming smile anymore, instead of the smile that usually met my mother's eyes all that I see now is sadness, frustration and tiredness.

I tend to avoid talking to her about it because I don't want to make her even sadder than she already is. And even I am suffering.

Well, we are not alone Mom, that makes four of us, me, you, Paras and Mr. Moore.

While comparing ourselves to the universe I don't know who I am, whether I am the Sun, a Star or anything that I might relate to in the universe.

No, wait, I think I know.

The black hole. . . yes that's what I am.
Like the black hole I suck in all the positivity around me and nothing good ever happens.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I talking to the sun and where did he hide?

What sixteen—soon to be seventeen—years old kid does that?

"Tarun?”

Hearing a familiar voice, I turn towards it.

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t realize someone was standing beside me. Mr. Moore is standing too close.

“What are you doing here alone? Don’t you want to play football?” He asks.
I cringe at the name of football, I hate any sports which requires running, for god’s sake or mine, I don’t have any intention of falling on the ground. Since I can’t focus on the ball, I’m sure to fall.

Mr. Moore was my Dad's friend. I’d say best friend ever, since childhood. They went to school, college, even after pursuing different roots they stood by each other's side. I used to call him by his name—Uncle Prateek. He's my physical education teacher and the head of the school newspaper. So, I call him Mr. Moore now.

He helped us a lot after Dad's death. Taking care of us, funeral—which I couldn’t attend or didn’t want to—Our house, post-funeral functions, with the bills, Dad's wrecked car, and almost everything. Hadn’t it been for Mr. Moore, Mom wouldn’t have been able to do it all by herself. Mr. Moore was playing the role of a loyal best friend or… may be he was helping us out of pity, I didn’t know. I’ve known him all my life but couldn’t figure him out. I don’t think anyone ever did.

“I don’t like football.” I say and he knows it too. I direct my gaze towards my classmates who are chasing after a stupid ball. The boys chasing the ball are stupid, the ball isn’t.

Raja, the caption of the football team, is doing the same. He's shirt is so soaked in sweat, I can see it from here. The moment he lifts the hem of his shirt to his forehead, sweeping off the sweat which makes a good show of his firm abs, I hear Tanya and other girls screaming from the benches, “Go, Raja!”

I tear my eyes away.

Raja probably knows all the girls want him or have a crush on him. Even Anu, one of my friends, crushes over him.
Mr. Moore, now sitting beside on a bench at the far off section on the school playground, says, “You can go play with the students over there.” He tilts his head to the direction where my other classmates are, the opposite side of the ground. My friends, Garv, Mahima, and Anu are there too but I can’t figure out what exactly they are doing.

“Want to talk about it?” He says then.
I turn my face to look at him.

I don’t know what exactly he wants to talk about with me. I never share this kind of stuffs with anyone. Is there anything to talk about? Especially with Mr. Moore.

“You won’t understand it.” I guess, no one can.

“Shayad he. Want to give it a try?” He says with a hint of a smile on his lips.
I start shaking my head but thought against it. He had lost his best friend in my father. Oh, God. He had lost his wife, Tina Auntie, too. It’s so poignant of me to not even acknowledge it right now. I’m the worst. On the exact same day, she died because she and Dad were going for a business meeting to Mumbai.

Two months ago, two deaths, two funerals, we lost the closest people of our life.

So, what if he really did understand?
“I am thinking about how I’m going to manage keeping my shit together.” Okay there, I said it.

Keeping my eyes closed, I lower my head in an effort to avoid his gaze.

“Same here,” He says, “I'm trying to work things out in my life too.”