Lost

Chapter four

"Katniss," Gale appears at the door. "Coin and Plutarch would like to see you."

"Okay, thanks, Gale," I say. As I walk to Coin's office, I wonder where Peeta's been all day.

"Katniss, have a seat," Coin says. I sit across from her without saying anything. "We have come up with a plan to rescue Johanna, Annie, and your sister. However, we need to know if you will be the Mockingjay or not."

"Will my answer affect if we rescue them or not?"

"Possibly."

"Yes. I'll be the Mockingjay," I say without even thinking. I will do this for Prim, for Annie and Finnick, and for Johanna. To get them back. To show Snow that he has not overcome me. To show him that I will fight back, even if it's the last thing I do.

•••

"Peeta!" I run to him in the hallway. "Where have you been all day?"

"Training to rescue Prim."

"Really?" He nods. "Thank you!" I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I want to be a part in saving her. I want to do it for you, because I still love you. And I know that you might not feel the same, and I shouldn't hold you accountable for things you said in the games, but I just wanted you to know how I feel."

I nod, not being able to bring myself to saying if I love him back or not. I don't even know if I do.

•••

I sit at the table in between Peeta and my mother. Haymitch sits on the opposite side of Peeta. I take a bite of the bland chicken, longing for some good food.

When Prim comes on the television, I freeze. "What have they done to you?" I whisper. There, on the screen, is a girl so bruised and thin, I'm not even sure it's Prim. Even her voice is different.

"Hello, Panem!" Caesar exclaims like Nothing is wrong. "I'm here with Primrose Everdeen, once again!" I zone out everything else that happens, and pretty soon, I can't bear it anymore. I stand from the table and run. I'm not sure where I'm going, I just need to get away from all the televisions.

I end up in a supply closet and sink to the floor. How could they do this to Prim? Johanna said the whole country loved her, but that's not what it seems like now. I put my face in my hands and cry. I cry harder than I ever had before.

A while later, I hear the door open. "Katniss," my mother says. "You need to come out."

"No," I say.

"Please?"

"No, I'm staying here. I'll starve or something, I don't care," I say, turning from the door.

"Katniss," a new voice says in a Capitol accent.

"Effie?"

"Yes, dear," she says. I hear her shoo my mom off then come in, closing the door and turning on the light. "Plutarch 'rescued' me," she puts air quotes around the word rescued. "Said he was doing me a favor."

I get a proper look at Effie. She's wearing a grey jumpsuit, just like everyone else in District Thirteen. She isn't wearing her usual wig and makeup, instead she has a bare face and a wrap around her head. "Listen, I know it's hard, but you need to stay strong."

"I can't, Effie. He has my baby sister, and I don't know if I'll ever get her back," I sob.

"Oh, dear," she pulls me up and into a hug. "Please, don't give up."

"Why shouldn't I?" I ask. "I lost one of the most important people in my life."

"Peeta needs you. Your mother does, too." Effie says softly. "And Gale, and even Haymitch. We all need you."

"Thanks, Effie."

"Of course, dear."

I follow her out of the stuffy closet and to my room. She tells me to take a shower, so I do. Maybe it'll help me get my mind off of Prim.

I scrub my hair with the unscented shampoo provided. It isn't my favorite, but it will do for now.

When I turn the shower off and grab my towel, I wonder if Prim even misses us. Don't be silly, Katniss. I think. Of course she misses you.

I dress in the grey jumpsuits they make us wear and loosely braid my hair.

I start to feel extremely stressed about getting Prim back, and all I remember is falling onto the cold, hard bathroom floor with no one there to get help.